It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some
people
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believe that individuals should save
money
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from
the
Correct article usage
a
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young age to build a sustainable future. Meanwhile, others claim that it is better to spend it on things which can bring enjoyment
of
Change preposition
to
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life and create unforgettable memories. Personally, I partially agree with
this
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idea and think that it is should be
balance
Add an article
a balance
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between saving and spending.
To begin
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with, it is undeniable that it is important to have some savings for a rainy day because the future can be quite unpredictable.
That is
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why, it is so
wisely
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wise
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to save some
money
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to have an opportunity to overcome potential financial and economic
crisis
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crises
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.
Moreover
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, by
tighthen
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tightening
their belt,
people
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can
inverst
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invest
this
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money
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in real property or education
lately
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apply
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. In
this
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case, individuals will provide themselves with peaceful and secure lives.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to be
albe
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able
to enjoy your life, especially the youth. It goes without saying that the youth is the best time for exploring the world, as you are young, free, and full of energy.
Therefore
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, the investment of
money
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in things that make you happy is definitely a good decision.
For example
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,
people
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who spend on journeys will receive much more memorable experiences than
people
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who prefer staying at home to save some extra
money
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. In conclusion,
although
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it is essential for
people
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to save
money
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to build a sustainable future,
people
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who spend
money
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on emotions, live truly fulfilling lives.
Thus
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, I tend to believe that it is important to maintain balance in order to be capable of living secure and enjoyable lives at the same time.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects to the topic.
task achievement
Add more clear examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use simpler sentences to express your ideas clearly.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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