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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that parents have the most important role in a child’s development. However, others argue that other things like television or friends have the most significant influence. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is irrefutable that
children
Use synonyms
 get bad or good habits from their surroundings. Few individuals
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that in
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 development guardians play
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
 role.
Whereas
Linking Words
, others think that through watching television and friends they get significant exposure. I will discuss both sides and will discuss my opinion in the following essay. On the one hand,
children
Use synonyms
 spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
most of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 time with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 parents.
New born
Correct your spelling
Newborn
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 babies develop their all
skills
Use synonyms
 from birth to adulthood
while
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 staying with their families. Babies develop their sense of happiness
as well as
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 danger when they are with their families.
Moreover
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, doing
every day
Correct your spelling
everyday
show examples
activities
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build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
show examples
 their confidence to communicate with others. These all
skills
Use synonyms
 are
build
Wrong verb form
built
show examples
 under the guidance of their parents.
For example
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, before going to school
children
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 start learning
Correct article usage
the alphabets
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alphabets
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alphabet
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along with
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 other
activities
Use synonyms
 which are taught by
mother
Correct pronoun usage
their mother
show examples
 or father. Basically, it is seen that
children
Use synonyms
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
 emotional feelings from their
mother
Fix the agreement mistake
mothers
show examples
 and supporting
skills
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 from
Correct pronoun usage
their father
show examples
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
. On the other side, after
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
childhood kids start living their life in school with friends. Where they start building
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
trust and relationships with
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 individuals.
This
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 helps them to
demostrate
Correct your spelling
demonstrate
 the bonds between
othet
Correct your spelling
other
 human beings.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, watching television helps to build
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interest.
For example
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, watching playing
activities
Use synonyms
indulge
Verb problem
encourages
show examples
children
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 to play games in
practical
Replace the word
practice
show examples
.
This
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 makes them physically stronger and fit.
Along with
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 these
activities
Use synonyms
 by watching different stories kids learn about dealing
difficult
Change preposition
with difficult
show examples
 situations in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
real life. In conclusion,
according to
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 my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
,
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
 and friends are important
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors
show examples
 in
kid's
Correct article usage
a kid's
show examples
 development.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 importance of
guardains
Correct your spelling
guards
 can't be neglected. Parents help their
children
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 to build
skills
Use synonyms
 from starting of their birth.
This
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 is very crucial that
children
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 understand bad and
goods
Fix the agreement mistake
good
show examples
 in their childhood
otherwise
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this
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 can affect their future.

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task achievement
Make sure all your ideas are clearly explained and supported with examples.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting your sentences better, and use linking words for better flow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to have a clearer introduction and conclusion, summarizing your main points effectively.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced discussion on both views, which is good.
task achievement
Your examples show real-life application, which is valuable in supporting your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • initial influence
  • learning environment
  • essential life skills
  • instill morals and manners
  • external factors
  • introduce to a variety of cultures
  • social skills
  • monitor the content
  • maintain a central role
  • exposure to different ideas
  • complement parental teaching
  • broader understanding
  • critical thinking skills
  • foundational groundwork
  • prominent influence
What to do next:
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