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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line diagram shows the demand of electricity in winter and summer for a particular city. the pie chart shows the percentage of electricity use in the households. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line diagram shows the demand of electricity in winter and summer for a particular city. the pie chart shows the percentage of electricity use in the households. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The line graph illustrates the typical daily demand for electrical
energy
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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 in two seasons in a certain city. Meanwhile, the pie graph presents the utilization of electricity in different household machines.
Overall
Linking Words
, electricity is most used in winter near the middle of the month,
while
Linking Words
 heating machines
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
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 recorded to have the highest
energy
Use synonyms
 expenditure. In detail, a fluctuating pattern is observed during the winter with a drop in
energy
Use synonyms
 use (30,000)
at
Change preposition
on
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sixth
Correct article usage
the sixth
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 to ninth
day
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 a continuous rise until its peak use on the 21st
day
Use synonyms
 at nearly 50,000 units. In summer, the usage of electricity hovers at 20,000 units on
12th-15th
Add an article
the 12th-15th
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day
Use synonyms
 and
21st
Correct article usage
the 21st
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 to 24th
day
Use synonyms
 reaching the exact amount. In both
season
Change to a plural noun
seasons
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, a spike
for
Change preposition
in
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 demand is seen
in
Change preposition
on
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 the 21st to 24th
day
Use synonyms
. Moving on to the allocation of
energy
Use synonyms
, more than half of the proportion is for heating use. 17.5% is spent
for
Change preposition
on
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 ovens, kettles, and washing machines. In a similar division,
a
Correct article usage
apply
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15%
Use synonyms
energy
Change preposition
of energy
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 usage is divided equally for the rest of household devices, lighting, TV, and radio.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, day with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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