IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT HEALTHCARE SHOULD BE FREE FOR EVERYONE, WHILE OTHER THINK THAT PEOPLE SHOULD PAY FOR THEIR MEDICAL COST THEMSELVES. DISCUSS BOTH VIEW AND GIVE YOUR OPINION

The World
Health
Use synonyms
organization
Capitalize word
Organization
show examples
 ranks the healthcare system in Spain among the top ten in the world. It is universal and free and offers comprehensive services that cover a wide range of interventions, from routine check-ups to specialised attention.
However
Linking Words
, the limited budget results in huge waiting times and crowded clinics.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is crucial to increase the
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 to guarantee
this
Linking Words
 essential area.
To begin
Linking Words
, is crucial to highlight that a public
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
extended
health
Use synonyms
 service is not only fair but
also
Linking Words
 a tremendous benefit for society. All citizens have the right to visit a primary doctor, to use the emergency unit, to be seen by a specialist and to undergo all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of diagnostic procedures and expensive treatments. It is an extended and well-connected net. The objective is the prevention and accurate management of all sanitary issues.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, we
can
Rephrase
cannot
show examples
 deny the drawbacks that have emerged.
For instance
Linking Words
, the long waiting time could lead to the worsening of the disease and sometimes, could favor the appearance of complications.
In addition
Linking Words
, as the percentage of people over 65 increased, the clinics
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 crowded and made difficult a personalized experience
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
often, causing a lack of continuity.
Hence
Linking Words
, the solution is complex
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 encompasses not only an economical effort
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 the increase of personnel and the creation of more hospitals and
health
Use synonyms
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
. Despite facing so many challenges, the public
health
Use synonyms
 care system essentially works efficiently, and it is worthy to undergo the reforms needed to amend the mistakes. In conclusion, our
health
Use synonyms
 care system is mainly efficient, yet the limited budget is overwhelmed by the growing needs. Improvements
are need
Change the verb form
are needed
show examples
 in order to maintain
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high performance and
therefore
Linking Words
, to
get
Verb problem
achieve
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
excellency
Replace the word
excellence
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Use topic sentences to help the reader understand the point of each paragraph better.
task achievement
Include more examples to support your points, such as specific statistics or studies related to healthcare systems.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the flow by using linking words or phrases to connect ideas smoothly between sentences and paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is important for this type of essay.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and gives a good overview of the healthcare system in Spain.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal healthcare
  • equitable access
  • financial burden
  • public health
  • innovation
  • government expenditure
  • personal responsibility
  • preventive care
  • taxation
  • medical infrastructure
  • health equity
  • healthcare system
What to do next:
Look at other essays: