IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries nowadays, consumers can go to a supermarket and buy food produced all over the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

In recent years, thanks to globalization, people have used to buying different items imported from all over the world.
Thus
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, there are a lot of unusual and even exotic
products
Use synonyms
 on the store shelves.Some people claim that
this
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 is a positive trend
while
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, from my perspective is
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 one which leads to the deterioration of the environment. On the one hand, the diversity of
products
Use synonyms
 in shops is definitely a big advantage for the population.
This
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 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 people can find any ingredients without problem to cook different dishes and enjoy various flavours given nature.
For example
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,
due to
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 the fact that London is
Correct article usage
a multionational
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multionational
Correct your spelling
multinational
 city, you can easily find your national dishes, in a blink of an eye, no matter where you are from.
Thus
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, for many
immigrants
Add a comma
immigrants,
show examples
this
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 helps
feel
Correct pronoun usage
them feel
show examples
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at home and preserve their traditions and cuisine.
On the other hand
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, there are a lot of concerns that transporting food thousands of kilometres
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
not only
worsen
Correct subject-verb agreement
worsens
show examples
 the quality of
products
Use synonyms
 but
also
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cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 a great amount of exhaust emissions. These gases pollute our surroundings and have an influence on climate change.
Additionally
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,
this
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 development
also
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 has a negative effect on local producers, by
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
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 competitiveness and decreasing demand
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
season
Replace the word
seasonal
show examples
products
Use synonyms
.
Thus
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, farmers suffer from low income and must close their farms down, which leads to exacerbate the economic situation. In conclusion,
although
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 some individuals claim that a wide variety of
products
Use synonyms
 in the shops broaden people’s diet and better their lives, I believe that
this
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 trend leads to the impairment of
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 by increasing greenhouse gas emissions.

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task achievement
Work on clearly stating your opinion in the introduction. Make sure to explain why you think it is negative.
coherence and cohesion
Try to have a clear flow of ideas. Use linking words to connect your thoughts better.
task achievement
Add more examples to support your main points for a stronger argument.
task achievement
You provide a good overview of both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly presents the topic of discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nutrition
  • cultural exposure
  • competitive markets
  • economic boost
  • employment opportunities
  • carbon footprint
  • environmental impact
  • local produce
  • food security
  • global supply chain
  • sustainable practices
  • consumer choice
  • market dynamics
  • price competition
  • agricultural sector
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