Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Since ancient years, many
countries
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have adopted strict
legilsations
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legislations
legislation
for their citizens. It is widely believed that military
service
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should be compulsory for young men after graduation
each
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in each
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country. Even though some
people
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support
this
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topic, I strongly believe that
people
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should not be forced to join military
service
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.
This
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essay will outline the reasons for my viewpoint.
To begin
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with, one of the main reasons why I do not support
this
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topic is autonomy, making a decision cannot be limited or banned by authorities. The most essential rule of
the
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apply
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liberty is not overlooking
people
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's own
decision
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decisions
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.
For instance
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, Eastern
countries
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force their residents to join the military
service
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, which
undermine
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undermines
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liberty,
while
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in some
countries
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,
people
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's rights are granted by the legislation. Specifically, for women, a substantial rate of
countries
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grant
women's
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women
show examples
autonomy to decide to join military
service
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through the laws.
In addition
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, individually, some
people
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are inclined to be more sensitive. Their characteristic features cannot meet military
service
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's conditions. The side-effect of the condition of the military
service
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should not be overlooked. It poses some mental issues
such
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as sleeping disorders, insomnia, and, depression
on
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in
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those who attended military
service
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.
For instance
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, many researchers indicate that young
people
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,who attend military
service
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after graduation, cannot continue their professional life
due to
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some mental issues. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the decision-making process should be left to young
people
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. All over the world, military services need more
people
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to enhance their soldier capacity and upgrade their fleet.
Therefore
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, it is imperative whether
people
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should choose their career or national duty.

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task achievement
Your introduction gives a clear opinion, but try to make it more specific. State your reasons clearly in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to show the main idea of that paragraph.
task achievement
Make sure to explain your examples a bit more so readers can understand how they connect to your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Check your grammar and punctuation, especially for commas and spaces to make sure the sentences are easy to read.
task achievement
Try to add a stronger conclusion that summarizes all the points made in the body and reiterates your main opinion.
task achievement
You present a strong opinion against compulsory military service, which is clear throughout your essay.
task achievement
You provide specific reasons such as autonomy and mental health issues, which support your opinion well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Conscription
  • Patriotism
  • National security
  • Social equality
  • Discipline
  • Physical fitness
  • Life skills
  • Job training
  • Infringement
  • Conscripts
  • Gender equality
  • Mandatory
  • Economy
  • Education system
  • Labor market
  • Civil service
  • Alternative forms
  • Balanced view
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