Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Since ancient years, many

countries

Use synonyms

have adopted strict

legilsations

Correct your spelling

legislations

legislation

for their citizens. It is widely believed that military

service

Use synonyms

should be compulsory for young men after graduation

each

Change preposition

in each

show examples

country. Even though some

people

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support

this

Linking Words

topic, I strongly believe that

people

Use synonyms

should not be forced to join military

service

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This

Linking Words

essay will outline the reasons for my viewpoint.

To begin

Linking Words

with, one of the main reasons why I do not support

this

Linking Words

topic is autonomy, making a decision cannot be limited or banned by authorities. The most essential rule of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

liberty is not overlooking

people

Use synonyms

's own

decision

Fix the agreement mistake

decisions

show examples

For instance

Linking Words

, Eastern

countries

Use synonyms

force their residents to join the military

service

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, which

undermine

Change the verb form

undermines

show examples

liberty,

while

Linking Words

in some

countries

Use synonyms

people

Use synonyms

's rights are granted by the legislation. Specifically, for women, a substantial rate of

countries

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grant

women's

Change noun form

women

show examples

autonomy to decide to join military

service

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through the laws.

In addition

Linking Words

, individually, some

people

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are inclined to be more sensitive. Their characteristic features cannot meet military

service

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's conditions. The side-effect of the condition of the military

service

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should not be overlooked. It poses some mental issues

such

Linking Words

as sleeping disorders, insomnia, and, depression

Change preposition

show examples

those who attended military

service

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For instance

Linking Words

, many researchers indicate that young

people

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,who attend military

service

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after graduation, cannot continue their professional life

due to

Linking Words

some mental issues. In conclusion, I firmly believe that the decision-making process should be left to young

people

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. All over the world, military services need more

people

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to enhance their soldier capacity and upgrade their fleet.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it is imperative whether

people

Use synonyms

should choose their career or national duty.

perisucetin2004Sat May 31 2025

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task achievement

Your introduction gives a clear opinion, but try to make it more specific. State your reasons clearly in the introduction.

coherence cohesion

Use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to show the main idea of that paragraph.

task achievement

Make sure to explain your examples a bit more so readers can understand how they connect to your ideas.

coherence cohesion

Check your grammar and punctuation, especially for commas and spaces to make sure the sentences are easy to read.

task achievement

Try to add a stronger conclusion that summarizes all the points made in the body and reiterates your main opinion.

task achievement

You present a strong opinion against compulsory military service, which is clear throughout your essay.

task achievement

You provide specific reasons such as autonomy and mental health issues, which support your opinion well.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Compulsory
Military service
Conscription
Patriotism
National security
Social equality
Discipline
Physical fitness
Life skills
Job training
Infringement
Conscripts
Gender equality
Mandatory
Economy
Education system
Labor market
Civil service
Alternative forms
Balanced view

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