IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theater, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Some believe that government investment in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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art ,
such
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 as music and theatre is
waste
Correct article usage
a waste
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 of money.
While
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 others argue that government must invest
this
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 money in public services in state of
art
Add an article
the art
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. In
this
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 essay, I will express my opinion . I completely believe that
arts
Use synonyms
 play in cultural
preservations
Fix the agreement mistake
preservation
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 and societal development. Government funding for the
arts
Use synonyms
ensure
Change the verb form
ensures
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 that cultural heritage is maintained and accessible to all citizens.
Moreover
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 supporting
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
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 can stimulate economic growth through tourism and creative industries.
While
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 some argue that public funds should be just for essential services
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for
Add the comma(s)
, for
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 instance, healthcare and education, investing in the
arts
Use synonyms
enrich
Correct subject-verb agreement
enriches
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 society and strengthens national identity.
Therefore
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, governments should allocate resources to support the
arts
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 alongside other critical sectors. Many states allocate a portion of the state’s budget to
arts
Use synonyms
 because they are fully aware of its importance. Art has a positive impact on individuals and
Use synonyms
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 economy. Via
arts
Use synonyms
, people can practice their hobbies like
play
Replace the word
playing
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 music, painting or even if they have a passion
on
Change preposition
for
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 acting or visiting theatres.
Additionally
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, I could educate inhabitants
with
Change preposition
about
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 the
country’s
Use synonyms
 history
throughout
Change preposition
through
show examples
 museums or exhibitions which contain
Add an article
a picture
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picture
Fix the agreement mistake
pictures
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 of
Use synonyms
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
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 leggings.
Furthermore
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, these
Use synonyms
arts’s
Change noun form
arts
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 building
kit
Fix the agreement mistake
kits
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 attract visitors and that would increase the
country’s
Use synonyms
 economy. It is a good way to teach children their
country
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country's
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 history and make them proud of it. Artworks help in many different ways to develop
peoples
Change noun form
people's
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 thinking, make them more creative and encourage them to have creative sense.
To sum up
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, because of the benefits that artworks provide, I firmly agree that governments should invest in the
arts
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 and
that
Correct word choice
apply
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because the advantage of the
arts
Use synonyms
 overcome
that is
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 advantages.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your main points in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally' to improve flow.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with spelling and grammar, as it can affect understanding.
task achievement
You provide some good ideas about the importance of art.
task achievement
Your essay has a clear opinion, which is important.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • investment
  • cultural enrichment
  • economic growth
  • creative industries
  • public services
  • job creation
  • mental health benefits
  • social cohesion
  • diversity
  • inclusivity
  • marginalized voices
  • therapeutic outlets
  • community engagement
  • tourism attraction
  • quality of life
What to do next:
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