IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that children should be allowed to stay at home and play until theyare six or seven years old. Others believe that it is important for young children to go to school as soon as possible. What do you think are the advantages of attending school from ayoung age?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that, for
children
Use synonyms
 aged zero to six, it would be positive to live with their parents without attending any
school
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most believe that there are many advantages
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 going
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 at an early age. I am convinced that
children
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 should go
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 when they are very young, as it contributes not only to the reinforcement of their health
,
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apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 to the development of their relational skills.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when
children
Use synonyms
 are born, the correct development of their
hymmunitarian
Correct your spelling
humanitarian
communitarian
 system strictly depends form the interactions they have with the external environment. It is demonstrated that, if babies are preserved
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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contact with external
people
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, including other
children
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, they will have more health issues during their adulthood.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent research by San Raffaele University, based on 20,000 Italian
people
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,
showes
Correct your spelling
shows
 that the incidence of pneumonia in adults who did not attend
school
Use synonyms
 when they were
children
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, is 35% more impactful than in those who
whent
Correct your spelling
went
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
kindergarten.
Secondly
Linking Words
, one of the most important features of humans
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 social capabilities.
Although
Linking Words
 it could be considered by many
people
Use synonyms
 as a natural aspect of each of us, it is widely
demostrated
Correct your spelling
demonstrated
 that emotional intelligence and relational skills are well developed in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adults only if they are trained from the earliest stages of life.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a recent article
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Focus (a scientific magazine) put
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
evidence that the most important issue is the
ralation
Correct your spelling
relationship
 with peers,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 helps babies to develop good behaviours and
psicological
Correct your spelling
psychological
 balance from the beginning.
Consequently
Linking Words
, even if some
people
Use synonyms
 consider family as the best place to live during the first phase of a
baby
Change noun form
baby's
show examples
 life, I believe that the positive aspects of attending
school
Use synonyms
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 the earliest phases of life, including physical and mental health, widely justify the opportunity to do so.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on only one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer transitions between ideas to help the reader follow your argument.
task achievement
Your examples from research add strength to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
You have a good introduction and conclusion structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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