IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people argue that the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of
competione
Correct your spelling
competition
completion
competitions
 in
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 should be encouraged,
while
Linking Words
 others
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that
chaildren
Correct your spelling
children
 who cooperate are
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
more
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
useful. In my
prespective
Correct your spelling
perspective
 I believe that chaildren who
rised
Correct your spelling
are
 in
diffrent envairoment
Correct your spelling
different environments
 will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 their
behavier
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 and the family or the school play a massive part in the
Use synonyms
child
Change noun form
child's
show examples
 personality, I supose that it will be more
powerfl
Correct your spelling
powerful
 to let the
child
Use synonyms
dissied
Correct your spelling
decide
 what is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better and what the satuation debends on.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there a several reasons why some people
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of competition in
children
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 plenty of
resourch
Correct your spelling
research
resource
showed
Wrong verb form
has shown
show examples
 that
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
 who grow up in childhood where they
were
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 treated like they need to
to
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 the best in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 tests or
reqauierd
Correct your spelling
required
require
 them to be in the first place
presue
Correct your spelling
pressure
presume
this
Linking Words
behavier
Correct your spelling
behaviour
 uncontionsliy on
thier
Correct your spelling
their
chalidren
Correct your spelling
children
,
morefore
Correct your spelling
more fore
more for
 a slice of
children
Use synonyms
 lack a
validetion
Correct your spelling
validation
 from their
parants
Correct your spelling
parents
 or teachers so they tend to be
competitve
Correct your spelling
competitive
 to gain the
vaildtion
Correct your spelling
validation
 from the roles in the
child
Use synonyms
˚s live, which leads to
encourage
Change the verb form
encouraging
show examples
 the
sence
Correct your spelling
sense
 of competitive in
children
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many people argue that
children
Use synonyms
 who are
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
thought
 to cooperate rather than compete become more useful adults, one reason for that,
children
Use synonyms
 who
cooprate
Correct your spelling
cooperate
 seems to have a
clrearer
Correct your spelling
clearer
 mind and a good personality development
forthermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
 the
child
Use synonyms
 who
tought
Correct your spelling
ought
taught
thought
 to
be cooperate
Change the verb form
cooperate
show examples
 are more
seccuseful
Correct your spelling
successful
 in the future and might to have
a greater jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a greater job
greater jobs
show examples
 that because of the
reuslt
Correct your spelling
result
 of the mindset they have. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 both sides have their own
vaild
Correct your spelling
valid
 points.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that it depends on the
satuation
Correct your spelling
situation
whather
Correct your spelling
whether
 the
child
Use synonyms
 can be
competitve
Correct your spelling
competitive
 or a
coopratve
Correct your spelling
cooperative
 because the future needs both
behaver
Change to a plural noun
behavers
show examples
 to compete with others.

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general
Make sure to check spelling and grammar carefully.
coherence
Try to organize your ideas in a clearer way. Each paragraph should focus on one main point.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument.
coherence
Your conclusion includes a personal view, which is good.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sense of competition
  • encourage
  • cooperate
  • useful adults
  • resilience
  • perseverance
  • motivation
  • goals
  • excellence
  • work ethic
  • personal accountability
  • interpersonal skills
  • empathy
  • teamwork
  • effective communication
  • community
  • belonging
  • emotional well-being
  • globalized
  • interconnected
  • collaborate
  • balanced approach
  • individual achievement
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