IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The first chart show how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emission which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The first chart show how energy is used in an average Australian household. The second chart shows the greenhouse gas emission which result from this energy use. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pie charts illustrate ways of
energy
Use synonyms
 usage and the amount of greenhouse gas emissions associated with them in an average Australian household.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be clearly seen that heating uses most of the
energy
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
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while
Linking Words
 cooling accounted for the least usage.
However
Linking Words
, water heating is the one that contributes the most greenhouse gas emissions followed by other appliances. In detail, the proportion of heating comprises 42% of the total
energy
Use synonyms
 usage, making it the highest amount of
energy
Use synonyms
 consumed in the household and it results in 15% emissions, which is the third largest contribution among all.
Although
Linking Words
 water heating is the second highest method of using
energy
Use synonyms
, it is the primary greenhouse gas contributor, accounting for almost a third. Other appliances use only less than a fifth of
energy
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, interestingly, it becomes the second most emitter, 28%. Only 7% of
energy
Use synonyms
 is used up by refrigeration,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, the emission from it is double the number. The power consumption from cooling and lighting is the least, given they only account for 6% combined, but lighting’s emission is almost one in ten and 5% higher than that of cooling.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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