IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe work for the same organization all their working life. Others think that it is better to work for the different organizations. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Most
people
Use synonyms
 are convinced that a
career
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 in the same
company
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 is the best situation for their working life. Others argue that changing jobs is a good
way
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 to boost their
career
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 advancement.
Although
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 maintaining the same position has advantages like developing strong expertise and good relationships with colleagues, I think that planned
career
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 changes, especially in the contemporary job market, could represent a great opportunity. In fact,
this
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 is the main
way
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 for
people
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 to increase
income
Correct pronoun usage
their income
show examples
 and professional status. When a person works for the same
company
Use synonyms
 their whole life, it certainly means that they have found a good balance between personal satisfaction, goals and earnings. For these reasons, and
due to
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 the profound knowledge of the organization and of their colleagues, it is unlikely that they are incentivized to seek new professional opportunities. In fact, lots of
people
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 find in
this
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 balance the perfect reason to never change.
On the other hand
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, especially nowadays,
company
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 changes are considered the best
way
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 to accelerate personal
career
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 and consolidate professional status,
as well as
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 to improve remuneration. In Italy,
for instance
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, the National Institute for Research, ISTAT, recently published a study that shows a big change in the job market in the
last
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 20
years
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: in fact,
people
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 tend to change jobs every 3
years
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 on average versus an average of 9
years
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, 20
years
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 ago. Workers were interviewed and declared, in 65% of cases, that it was a precise strategy for
career
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 advancement.
To conclude
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, in my opinion, even though many workers believe that remaining in the same
company
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 might support a better quality of life,
career
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 moves are the most effective
way
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people
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 have to accelerate their professional progress and increase income.
This
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 is why
such
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 a strategy is being adopted by a growing number of
people
Use synonyms
, making it a clear trend in the modern job market.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to explain your points.
coherence
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
Try to balance your points more evenly; one side seems stronger than the other.
structure
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frame your argument well.
ideas
Your writing has a good range of ideas and is generally clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • stability
  • loyalty
  • seniority
  • job satisfaction
  • rapidly changing job market
  • adapt to
  • work culture
  • career progression
  • network
  • diversity of experience
  • adaptability
  • career aspirations
  • dynamic nature
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