IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The governments investment in art such as music and theatre is a waste of money, government must invest money on public service instead. Do you agree or disagree?

there is no doubt that these days governments are putting money
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
art
Use synonyms
 like
music
Use synonyms
 and theatre is a waste of resources, the question is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 government should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 more money on public
services
Use synonyms
? In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I'm going to discuss my view and draw my personal conclusion. in terms of advantages
art
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 can make
life
Use synonyms
 more fun and enjoyable and
art
Use synonyms
 definitely can be helpful and making
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
 look more beautiful by putting a museum or designing the streets, and theatre
also
Linking Words
 can be very useful
people
Use synonyms
 can watch movies and shows at big movie theaters to illustrates. When
people
Use synonyms
 are bored by only eating and drinking they can
also
Linking Words
 do something else like visiting museums from arts around the world
in other words
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 will love to go and enjoy a day in
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 ancient
musem
Correct your spelling
museum
 and see historical figures, that's why many individuals may not disagree that arts and
music
Use synonyms
 are waste of money.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 it has more disadvantages on the financial system.
firstly
Linking Words
 it will cost a lot to build
musems
Correct your spelling
museums
 or big
theatre
Fix the agreement mistake
theatres
show examples
 and it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the government significantly by making them not
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on the
real
Replace the word
really
show examples
 important things like education and health care and of course public
services
Use synonyms
secondly
Linking Words
 it will
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the citizens and not letting them live a good
life
Use synonyms
 and it will affect facilities because many
people
Use synonyms
 don't care about
Use synonyms
art
Add an article
the art
show examples
 they need hospitals health care and
services
Use synonyms
 that can make
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
Use synonyms
 easier. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
although
Linking Words
 arts and
music
Use synonyms
 may be fun and interesting and make
people
Use synonyms
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 a lot of new activities
therefore
Linking Words
 I believe governments should focus on public
services
Use synonyms
 and making
life
Use synonyms
 better.

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coherence
Make sure your ideas are clearly linked. Use more connectors to help the flow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. This will strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic and present your view well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • investment
  • art
  • music
  • theatre
  • waste
  • money
  • public service
  • agree
  • disagree
  • economy
  • jobs
  • tourists
  • revenue
  • culture
  • society
  • mental health
  • happiness
  • important
  • support
  • educate
  • social issues
  • valuable
  • long-term
  • change
What to do next:
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