IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is good for younger people to make their own decisions. Others feel that these decisions should be made with the help of their parents. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

Particular
Add an article
A particular
The particular
show examples
 part of human beings
believes
Correct subject-verb agreement
believe
show examples
 that it is good for younger
people
Use synonyms
Add the particle
to take
show examples
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 their own
decisions
Use synonyms
. Others think that these
decisions
Use synonyms
 must be
chosen
Verb problem
made
show examples
 with
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
assist
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 of their family. should younger
people
Use synonyms
 not be assisted
while
Linking Words
 making their
decisions
Use synonyms
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 when they
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
decisions
Use synonyms
 since they are young they will make mistakes and learn from their mistakes that's why they should not be assisted . Younger
people
Use synonyms
 when start
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
 their own
decisions
Use synonyms
 they will start to depend on their own .
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
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 I think that younger
people
Use synonyms
 should be assisted
while
Linking Words
 making
decisions
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their families
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because some younger
people
Use synonyms
 are still immature and don't know their interests and what's better for them . And their family have better life experience and they could help them .
Overall
Linking Words
in
Add the comma(s)
, in
show examples
 my opinion , I think that younger
people
Use synonyms
 should be assisted
while
Linking Words
 making their own
decisions
Use synonyms
 . There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 a lot of life
decisions
Use synonyms
that
Linking Words
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 hard for young
people
Use synonyms
 to make .
For example
Linking Words
 , getting married,
changing
Correct word choice
and changing
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 houses and workplaces. Imagine a young guy
he
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 want to move out and change his house and suddenly he
found
Wrong verb form
finds
show examples
 a good house for
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 unbelievable price
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
when he
paid
Wrong verb form
pays
show examples
 he
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 scammed and all his money is gone . That's why
people
Use synonyms
 should get
assisted
Replace the word
assistance
show examples
 from their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
while
Linking Words
taking
Correct your spelling
making
show examples
 their
decisions
Use synonyms
 Many
people
Use synonyms
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that it
better
Add a missing verb
is better
show examples
 for young
people
Use synonyms
 to
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 their own
decisions
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others
feels
Change the verb form
feel
show examples
 that younger
people
Use synonyms
 should be
asissted
Correct your spelling
assisted
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their families . I think younger
people
Use synonyms
 must be helped
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 their families

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coherence and cohesion
Try to organize your ideas better. Make clear paragraphs for each point.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion clearly state your opinion.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points.
task achievement
You made a clear argument for both sides of the discussion.
task achievement
Your examples are relatable and understandable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • confidence
  • empowered
  • consequences
  • mistakes
  • experience
  • guidance
  • wisdom
  • safety net
  • security
  • informed decisions
  • balance
  • autonomy
  • support
  • pitfalls
  • challenges
What to do next:
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