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Writing Samples
Band 5

With an increasing number of people eating fast food, which if eating too regularly can cause health issues, some people think that the only solution is to ban it completely. To what extent do you agree?

An outright banning of fast
foods
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 is said to be a viable solution when it comes to associated
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health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
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 issues from consuming it on a regular basis. The writer of
this
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 essay is in complete agreement with
this
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 scenario since fast
food
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 is not just the number one cause of obesity but
also
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 how a prohibition would lead to other,
more
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apply
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healthier
foods
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 being selected by the general public.
With a
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A
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 ban on fast
foods
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 would come
a
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with a
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drastic reduction in the obesity rate worldwide
due to
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people
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 avoiding
foods
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 high in cholesterol. To put it simply, most fast
foods
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 eaten often are made to be sold at an affordable price, and
along with
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this
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 are the shortcuts used in the producing and preparing stages. Take fried chicken as a clear illustration, which is more often than not cooked in cheap animal fats rather than the more costly healthier oils, leading to the consumers ingesting far more undesirable lipids than the body can handle.
As a result
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, with frequent consumption of
this
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 type of
food
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, obesity is not far behind and with it comes blood pressure issues and possibly
heart related
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heart-related
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 ones as well. (
Thus
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, a ban on these types of
food
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 would inevitably slow or stop the damage being waged on society as a whole.) Another way a ban on fast
foods
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 could impact the
health
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 of citizens is how it would steer
people
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 towards more healthy alternatives for their meals. The problem with fast
food
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 is simply the convenience
together with
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 the cost, an attractive way to fuel the body with the modern fast pace of life.
However
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,
by
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apply
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removing
this
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 choice from
people
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’s diets,
it
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apply
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would hopefully encourage most citizens to think again about their
food
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 choices.
In other words
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, when it comes time for a meal,
people
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 would either have to choose to prepare a meal at home or go to a restaurant where
foods
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 are prepared in a healthier manner;
therefore
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, helping everyone to maintain their diets and avoid any
health
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 implications resulting from the
food
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 they eat. In conclusion,
by
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apply
show examples
removing fast
foods
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 from
people
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’s daily diet,
it
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apply
show examples
would eliminate a substantial amount of
health
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 issues plaguing the world
as well as
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 guide
people
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 towards eating better
foods
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.

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task achievement
Your arguments are clear and logical, but more examples could add strength to your points.
task achievement
Some ideas need more explanation to help the reader understand them better.
coherence and cohesion
A clearer link between paragraphs can help the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more linking words to connect sentences and ideas smoothly.
content
Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your main points.
content
You have provided a clear opinion on the issue, which is important for this type of essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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