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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The provided line chart depicts the rate of citizens living in urban spaces of four countries in Asia over the course of 70 years, beginning from 1970

The provided line chart depicts the rate of citizens living in urban spaces of four countries in Asia over the course of 70 years, beginning from 1970
The line graph compares the proportion of people
live
Wrong verb form
living
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 in urban
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 in four different Asia countries, including the
Philippines
Use synonyms
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
,
Thailand
Use synonyms
, and Indonesia in a
fifty year
Add a hyphen
fifty-year
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 period, and the forecast for 2030 to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of city population in all four countries
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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increased and
predict
Wrong verb form
is predicted
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 to continue
rise
Fix the infinitive
to rise
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 throughout the period.
Initially
Linking Words
, in 1970, the
Philippines
Use synonyms
’s rate of urbanization was the highest at just over 30%.
Then
Linking Words
 it was exceeded by
Malaysia
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
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 1991. The
figure
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 fluctuated between 30% and 50%, slightly increased from 30% to approximately 45% from 1990. A significant rise was observed in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, the
figure
Use synonyms
 met
at
Change preposition
apply
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the same record
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the
Philippines
Use synonyms
 in 1991 and 1997 and
finally
Linking Words
 overtook the
Philippines
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 and climbed to 78% in 2020.
Likewise
Linking Words
, Indonesia
also
Linking Words
 dramatically
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 from 12% in 1970 to 50% in 2020. The
figure
Use synonyms
 surpassed
Thailand
Use synonyms
 and the
Philippines
Use synonyms
 in 2000 and 2010 respectively.
Thailand
Use synonyms
 remain relatively stable, minor
rose
Replace the word
rise
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 from 18% to 28% during the fifty-year period. After 2020, all
Use synonyms
figure
Fix the agreement mistake
figures
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 are predicted to experience
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
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 trend,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
dominate
Change the verb form
dominates
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this
Linking Words
 trend and
Thailand
Use synonyms
 is forecasted to increase the most among the four.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words philippines, malaysia, thailand, figure with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 2 times.
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