Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as a part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

Parents
Use synonyms
should ensure that their
children
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have physically active lifestyles
hence
Linking Words
schools
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should not integrate physical
education
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in
Change preposition
into
show examples
the curriculum in order to not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
waste time on it. I partially agree with the provided statement because of
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
that it is the responsibility of both
parents
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and educators. One perspective is that
parents
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should be aware of their
children
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having regular
exercise
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.
Obvisously
Correct your spelling
Obviously
, physical activity plays a vital role in the
process
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of
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
development both mentally and physically. At the same time, taking into consideration that
children
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's behaviour and habits are mainly shaped by their
parents
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, it is logical that
parents
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should pay much attention to the
process
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of physical activity.
In other words
Linking Words
,
parents
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should encourage their
children
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to do regular
exercise
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and boost life-long fitness habits.
For instance
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, juveniles who do
exercise
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have a better immune system, higher mental clarity and cardiovascular function, which highlights the importance of physical activity in their
lifes
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lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
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, implementing physical
education
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into schooling would be beneficial as well.
Children
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spend several hours at
schools
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studying various subjects,
however
Linking Words
, there are no sufficient programmes on physical
education
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in many
schools
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all over the world. Making regular
exercise
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an integral part of the curriculum may distribute
to
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apply
show examples
the
process
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of
education
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meaningfully and will provide well-shaped development because of
instiling
Correct your spelling
instilling
a competitive spirit and teamwork
besides
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enhancing cognitive skills.
For example
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, in Finland, educational
instituions
Correct your spelling
institutions
have strict instructions regarding physical
education
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on
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at
show examples
all levels of
education
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aiming to ensure holistic development; depending on the age groups, particular hours are spent on
exercise
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. Having one of the most successful
education
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systems, the example of Finland demonstrates that
such
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a question should be
taking
Change the form of the verb
taken
show examples
into account by educators.
To conclude
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,
although
Linking Words
individuals believe that
schools
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should not waste time on physical
education
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as
parents
Use synonyms
should be accountable for it, I can only partially agree with that
due to
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schools
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also
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should control the
process
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to make the
childrens'
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children's
show examples
growth well-shaped.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and sticks to it.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas and make the essay flow better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points and make them stronger.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion clearly summarizes your main points.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
You have provided valid points about the role of parents and schools in children's physical activity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • inclination
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • cooperation
  • academic time
  • intellectual development
  • after-school activities
  • relegated
  • family bond
  • supervised
  • well-being
  • equipment
  • expertise
  • professional physical education teachers
  • safe and beneficial
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