IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as a part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

Parents
Use synonyms
 should ensure that their
children
Use synonyms
 have physically active lifestyles
hence
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
 should not integrate physical
education
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 the curriculum in order to not
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
waste time on it. I partially agree with the provided statement because of
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that it is the responsibility of both
parents
Use synonyms
 and educators. One perspective is that
parents
Use synonyms
 should be aware of their
children
Use synonyms
 having regular
exercise
Use synonyms
.
Obvisously
Correct your spelling
Obviously
, physical activity plays a vital role in the
process
Use synonyms
 of
child's
Correct article usage
a child's
show examples
 development both mentally and physically. At the same time, taking into consideration that
children
Use synonyms
's behaviour and habits are mainly shaped by their
parents
Use synonyms
, it is logical that
parents
Use synonyms
 should pay much attention to the
process
Use synonyms
 of physical activity.
In other words
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 should encourage their
children
Use synonyms
 to do regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 and boost life-long fitness habits.
For instance
Linking Words
, juveniles who do
exercise
Use synonyms
 have a better immune system, higher mental clarity and cardiovascular function, which highlights the importance of physical activity in their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, implementing physical
education
Use synonyms
 into schooling would be beneficial as well.
Children
Use synonyms
 spend several hours at
schools
Use synonyms
 studying various subjects,
however
Linking Words
, there are no sufficient programmes on physical
education
Use synonyms
 in many
schools
Use synonyms
 all over the world. Making regular
exercise
Use synonyms
 an integral part of the curriculum may distribute
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
process
Use synonyms
 of
education
Use synonyms
 meaningfully and will provide well-shaped development because of
instiling
Correct your spelling
instilling
 a competitive spirit and teamwork
besides
Linking Words
 enhancing cognitive skills.
For example
Linking Words
, in Finland, educational
instituions
Correct your spelling
institutions
 have strict instructions regarding physical
education
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 all levels of
education
Use synonyms
 aiming to ensure holistic development; depending on the age groups, particular hours are spent on
exercise
Use synonyms
. Having one of the most successful
education
Use synonyms
 systems, the example of Finland demonstrates that
such
Linking Words
 a question should be
taking
Change the form of the verb
taken
show examples
 into account by educators.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 individuals believe that
schools
Use synonyms
 should not waste time on physical
education
Use synonyms
 as
parents
Use synonyms
 should be accountable for it, I can only partially agree with that
due to
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 should control the
process
Use synonyms
 to make the
childrens'
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 growth well-shaped.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and sticks to it.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to connect your ideas and make the essay flow better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points and make them stronger.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion clearly summarizes your main points.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic.
task achievement
You have provided valid points about the role of parents and schools in children's physical activity.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • inclination
  • teamwork
  • sportsmanship
  • cooperation
  • academic time
  • intellectual development
  • after-school activities
  • relegated
  • family bond
  • supervised
  • well-being
  • equipment
  • expertise
  • professional physical education teachers
  • safe and beneficial
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