IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside than in a big city. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate about whether growing up in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 offers more advantages to
children
Use synonyms
 than being raised in urban environments.
While
Linking Words
 both scenarios bring a unique blend of
benefits
Use synonyms
,
as well as
Linking Words
 impacts, I firmly believe that there is not a “right answer” to that debate. In my opinion, it is one of the crucial decisions that parents need to make, having a tremendous impact on the child’s development. On one hand, being raised in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 provides a variety of positive
benefits
Use synonyms
. There are several aspects from which we can approach it, but I will highlight some of the most significant
benefits
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, being raised in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 provides physical and mental health, more liberty and flexibility, and a stronger sense of belonging. Often,
children
Use synonyms
 raised in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 have more flexibility and liberty to explore, discover and integrate knowledge directly from being in contact with nature.
Also
Linking Words
, there is less contamination,
noise
Correct word choice
and noise
show examples
 and they have a
more slow-paced
Replace the word
slower-paced
show examples
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 impacting their physical and mental health. And, it is more likely that
children
Use synonyms
 raised in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 have a stronger sense of community and connection because families live together making their bonds stronger and
also
Linking Words
 strengthening their culture.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, being raised in urban environments
also
Linking Words
 provides a variety of positive
benefits
Use synonyms
. To highlight the most significant ones, being raised in a city brings more opportunities in terms of services, education, diversity, and entertainment. Cities offer better access to high-quality schools, hospitals,
cultural
Correct word choice
and cultural
show examples
 and entertainment experiences.
Additionally
Linking Words
, those
children
Use synonyms
 are exposed to a more diverse population fostering a better understanding and empathy (social skills),
as well as
Linking Words
 a broader perspective that leads to easy connections with other people around the world in the future. In conclusion, both offer valuable advantages, and I firmly believe, as pointed out at the beginning, that there is
not a
Rephrase
no
show examples
 “right answer”. It is essential to consider the specific context of the child. Family values, background, culture,
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 activity, etc, will play a key part in the decision. The ideal environment depends on what the parents prioritize for their
children
Use synonyms
’s development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You could include more examples to explain your ideas clearly. This would help the reader understand your points better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer transitions between paragraphs. This will help the essay flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea. This will help strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view by discussing both the countryside and city advantages.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your opinion, which helps the reader know your position.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: