IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say free time activities for children should be decided and organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. • Outdoor activities nearby

In recent years, leisure
time
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activities
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are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 vital for
children
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 for their better development. Some groups of people think that
parents
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 should select and decide free
time
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activities
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 for their kids.
Whereas
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,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe that
children
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 should have their own choices regarding what to do in their spare
time
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. I will discuss both views with related examples and
also
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 provide my opinion in the following essay. Several reasons can be considered to support the first view. The predominant reason is that
parents
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 know very well about their kids' strengths and weaknesses.
As a result
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, they always select those new free
time
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 things which are beneficial and not harmful to
children
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. To illustrate, in the era of technology,
parents
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 always encourage their
child
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children
show examples
 to attend computer classes to improve and enhance technical skills.
On the other hand
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, we cannot ignore that it is vital for
children
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 to opt
new
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for new
show examples
activities
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 for leisure
time
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 by themselves. The major benefit is that
children
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 get more success and improve practical skills if they
involved
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are involved
show examples
 in exertions in which they have interests.
For example
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, in the world, there are numerous kids who
enroll
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enrol
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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outdoor sports for their leisure
time
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 and
keep
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to keep
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 their selves fit and busy. Not only that,
children
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 can feel more relaxed and motivated by doing exciting
activities
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 of their
choices
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choice
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.
As a result
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, they can focus more on their academics and other essential work.
To conclude
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,
according to
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 my opinion, both perspectives have their own importance.
Parents
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 always organize and decide new
activities
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according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
 their child's abilities,
comfortness
Correct your spelling
comfort
, and benefits.
And
Correct word choice
Children
show examples
children
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 select
activities
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according to
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 their
interest
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interests
show examples
 in which they feel energetic and successful.

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task achievement
You should expand your introduction to clearly state your opinion and summarize your main points more effectively. This will give the reader a better roadmap of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas flow naturally from one to another to improve coherence.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or explanations for your points. This can make your ideas clearer and more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, showing that you understand the topic well.
task achievement
You included relevant examples to support your points, which is great for clarity and relevance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
What to do next:
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