IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Currently,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical
care
Use synonyms
 should be free and supplied by the government is a widely debated point.
Although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that free service can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to
overload
Correct article usage
an overload
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hospitals
Change preposition
in hospitals
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,
this
Linking Words
 writer agrees that costless medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 should be applied
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
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equality and
enhancing
Replace the word
enhancement
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 the society's
health
Use synonyms
. It is vital to understand that a person
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 the
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to have
a
Remove the article
apply
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free medical
treatment
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because everyone is equal, as the rules are set to make sure that the citizens are being treated equally,
Use synonyms
people
Correct word choice
and people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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all have the chance to protect their
health
Use synonyms
 for free. Using
this
Linking Words
 rule as the reason, humans can protect their
health
Use synonyms
 more frequently and costlessly.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Canada,
people
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, which contains everyone from
a
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apply
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homeless
guy
Fix the agreement mistake
guys
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 to
a
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apply
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worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
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, can access
to
Change preposition
apply
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the hospital and have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medicines without paying any money. Another significant factor is free medical
care
Use synonyms
 can strengthen
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social
health
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that if a person is healthy, the chance of disease in society will be decreased, all it needs is very simple: take
care
Use synonyms
 of all the
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
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health
Use synonyms
 by optimizing the cost of medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 for everyone to gain easily. What the government can do? They just simplify the task by making the medical services
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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become costless, leading
the
Change preposition
to the
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 higher
health
Use synonyms
 platform of the city.
Thus
Linking Words
, free medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 can avoid the chance of spraying the disease.
However
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 said that
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
medical
care
Use synonyms
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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free can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to the
phenomena
Fix the agreement mistake
phenomenon
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 of
overload
Replace the word
overloading
show examples
 hospitals.
This
Linking Words
 belief is
base
Wrong verb form
based
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 on the fact that some countries
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 tried the method of free accessing medical services and
as a result
Linking Words
, their hospital
were
Change the verb form
was
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 full of patients and they could not rescue the
people
Use synonyms
 who were
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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emergency situations. They can be right
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
a
Change the article
an
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 extent, but if the government spent more money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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medical services,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 problems would be solved simply and conveniently.
Although
Linking Words
 free treatments of medical can
leads
Change the verb form
lead
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 to some disadvantages
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 benefits are too good to deny. In conclusion, despite
making
Verb problem
apply
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the results of
overload
Replace the word
overloaded
show examples
 hospitals in some countries, free medical
care
Use synonyms
 is required
due to
Linking Words
 the equality of humans and the benefit of upgrading social
health
Use synonyms
. If the method of supplying free medical
treatment
Use synonyms
 could be held, the society would be developed into a better form, which can make the
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 of the citizens become truly comprehensive.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on organizing your ideas clearly. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main point and connects to the thesis.
task achievement
Try to make your arguments stronger with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Use more linking words to improve the flow between paragraphs and sentences.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, which is important for task achievement.
task achievement
You included examples from Canada to support your argument, which is good for developing your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal coverage
  • equity
  • fundamental human right
  • out-of-pocket expenses
  • financial hardship
  • preventative measures
  • social contract
  • quality of care
  • high demand
  • limited resources
  • tax implications
  • budget priorities
  • universal healthcare systems
  • public health
  • disease burden
What to do next:
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