IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

working days should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend

There is no denying the fact that working days should be shorter and workers should have a longer weekend.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
belied
Correct your spelling
belief
show examples
 that employees must have fewer working days and they deserve an extra weekend. there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that employees definitely need
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
longer weekends.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, studies show that working a few
hours
Use synonyms
 can actually boost productivity.
In other
Linking Words
words
Add a comma
words,
show examples
 when working for a small
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
hours
Use synonyms
 can help to get new ideas and be creative.
In addition
Linking Words
, When
people
Use synonyms
 are well-rested, they tend to focus better, make fewer mistakes, and complete tasks faster.
For example
Linking Words
, men in China
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 work 5
hours
Use synonyms
 and sleep 12
hours
Use synonyms
 are most likely to be more creative and get things done. Another point to consider, overworking can cause stress
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
mental issues and other health problems. it is
also
Linking Words
 possible to say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
more
hours
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 work can actually affect your mental health.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 a shorter workweek allows time for exercise, sleep, hobbies, and social activities, which all contribute to
overall
Linking Words
 well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who exercise more often
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
seem to be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
healthier than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 don't work out. In conclusion, despite
people
Use synonyms
 having different views, I believe that many employees absolutely deserve an extra day off.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction needs to be clearer. Try to state your opinion more directly and correct the grammar mistakes. For example, 'I believe employees need a longer weekend.'
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your paragraphs are more organized. Each paragraph should have one main idea. You can also use linking words like 'firstly', 'moreover', and 'in addition' to improve flow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. For example, you could mention specific studies or statistics to back up your claims about productivity.
content
You raise good points about productivity and health benefits, which are relevant to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: