IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should spend money on adult’s population who can’t read and write while other not. To what extend to you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, most
countries
Use synonyms
turns
Change the verb form
turn
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
the Liberalism
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Liberalism
Replace the word
Liberalist
show examples
 side
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the world,
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result, some government allocate their budgets
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 otherness
people
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
disability
Replace the word
disabled people
show examples
,
indeginous
Correct your spelling
indigenous
, the elder or uneducated
people
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
dicuss
Correct your spelling
discuss
 that budget allocation in
this
Linking Words
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 negative side and wasteful for economic development;
however
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other argue that we should
concern
Wrong verb form
be concerned
show examples
all
Change preposition
about all
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 in our
society
Use synonyms
. In the following paragraph, It will explain why governments should spend
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who can't read and write. In
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of disagreement, the governments have many sectors that they should invest in.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, budget allocation for uneducated workers in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 is unreasonable,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
when
show examples
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 with investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the youth's
education
Use synonyms
 or
talent
Replace the word
talented
show examples
people
Use synonyms
. It's just a long-term investment;
however
Linking Words
, they can provide something back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 in the future.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should provide
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
welfare and equality for every citizen in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, even
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
uneducated
people
Use synonyms
 who can't read and write.
Firstly
Linking Words
, because of basic rights that everyone should get.
Nextly
Rephrase
Next
show examples
, when
government
Add an article
the government
a government
show examples
 spends money
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
education
Use synonyms
, it will
advocate
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 them to read and write after graduation from
education
Use synonyms
 courses.
Addtionally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, those skills can support them
to develop
Change preposition
in developing
show examples
 their career paths, leading to
constant
Add an article
the constant
show examples
 improvement of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 in their
countries
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 can be good writers
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 or teachers who can teach children in their local communities. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion,
education
Use synonyms
 is
foundation
Add an article
the foundation
a foundation
show examples
 in many
countries
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
governments should
Add a missing verb
be concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
and
Change preposition
about and
show examples
 recognise
this
Linking Words
 sector is significant for citizens and
development
Correct article usage
the development
show examples
 of every
fields
Change to a singular noun
field
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as technology, science, media, art,
medical
Replace the word
medicine
show examples
, etc
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
Therefore
Linking Words
, if citizens have
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
education
Use synonyms
,
countries
Use synonyms
 will have
easily economically
Replace the word
easy economic
show examples
 growth
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all sectors in the future.

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task achievement
Make sure your introduction presents a clear thesis statement that directly addresses the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences in each paragraph to guide the reader on what to expect.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you use more varied transition words to improve the flow between ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents both sides of the argument, which is a good approach.
task achievement
The discussion on the benefits of educating uneducated individuals is a relevant point that contributes to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • government
  • spend
  • money
  • adults
  • population
  • read
  • write
  • agree
  • disagree
  • education
  • basic
  • need
  • programs
  • improve
  • job
  • market
  • economy
  • supporting
  • literacy
  • health
  • choices
  • understanding
  • important
  • information
  • daily
  • life
  • investing
  • reduce
  • poverty
  • levels
  • skills
  • opportunities
  • argue
  • funds
  • children
  • future
  • workforce
  • strong
  • foundation
What to do next:
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