IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that the money spend on space exploration technology is not justifiable. The money can be spent on other beneficial things. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Many believe that investing resources in discovering new frontiers like
space
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 exploration is a waste of time and money. They are convinced that governments should finance other enterprises directly related to people. Others think that
space
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research
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 is a field to invest in because it represents the future for humans. I believe that spending funds on
space
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research
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 is
one
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 of the most important issues for us as it represents the new frontier for our species' evolution. On the
one
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 hand, it is widely thought that
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 countries are spending too much money on
space
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research
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
space
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 discovery is seen as an unreachable goal. The idea is that skies are considered fascinating
as well as
Linking Words
 far
: no
Rephrase
away, no
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one
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 has any idea if and where we will find lands to host humans. The lack of short-term goals represents the most crucial issue for those who think that
space
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research
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 is a waste of money and would prefer to invest in concrete actions to solve more urgent and close social problems.
On the other hand
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, in my
opinion
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opinion,
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 we are entering a new era of discoveries.
That is
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 the reason why it is crucial to invest in new
space
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 missions. It is like
in
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, in
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 the Colombian era: humans were not conscious of the revolutionary impact that Cristoforo Colombo's enterprise would represent. If the Queen of Portugal had not financed that adventure, America would have remained undiscovered
at
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for at
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 least for decades and the wealthy world as we know now would not
be existing
Wrong verb form
exist
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.
This
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 is an example of how innovation works; it needs pioneers
as well as
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 financial support, even though the destination is not clear. The unknown cannot be discovered or understood until having accepted that we must proceed
by
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with
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 some planned attempts. In conclusion,
although
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 it is true that nowadays there are so many social issues governments must face, and it is important that they are not missed,
research
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 on
space
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 should be
one
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 of the fields
to
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of
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 finance, as it represents the future for technological development and human progress.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly show your main points in the introduction and in each paragraph. This can help the reader understand your ideas better.
task achievement
Try to use more simple sentences to make your ideas clearer. This can help in understanding your main points without confusion.
task achievement
You gave a strong opinion in your introduction, which helps set the stage for your argument.
task achievement
You provided a relevant historical example, which supports your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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