IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think thatparents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, However, believe that school is the place to learn this. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Several feel that
parents
Use synonyms
 have to educate their kids,
how
Change preposition
on how
show examples
 to become a good contributor
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 civilization.
However
Linking Words
, some consider that
this
Linking Words
 should be part of
curriculum
Add an article
the curriculum
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. Both
parents
Use synonyms
 and
schools
Use synonyms
 must collaborate to ensure that
children
Use synonyms
 grow up to be morally responsible and socially aware as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 of
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. I believe that
this
Linking Words
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be trained by
parents
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
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.
Parents
Use synonyms
 are the first teachers in
children
Use synonyms
's life. At
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
 young age,
children
Use synonyms
 observe and follow
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
parents
Change noun form
parents'
parent's
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, which plays a significant role in developing their moral foundation. Values
such
Linking Words
 as honesty, respect, kindness and responsibility are best
to teach
Change the verb form
taught
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 in the home environment, where
children
Use synonyms
 feel emotionally secure.
For example
Linking Words
, if a child sees their
parents
Use synonyms
 helping others or speaking politely, they are likely to adopt similar
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 can offer personalized attention and correct inappropriate
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 immediately, which may not always be possible in a classroom setting.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
schools
Use synonyms
 provide a structured environment where
children
Use synonyms
 interact with peers from different backgrounds, helping them develop social skills
such
Linking Words
 as cooperation, tolerance and discipline. Teachers are trained professionals who can introduce students to ethical reasoning and the importance of community through
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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 like social studies.
For instance
Linking Words
, participating in group projects or school events teaches
children
Use synonyms
 teamwork and leadership, both of which are essential attributes of a responsible member of society. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 are crucial in the early moral development of a child,
while
Linking Words
schools
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 play an important role by nurturing social awareness and community responsibility.

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task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction and conclusion. This helps readers understand your main point.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will make your writing smoother and easier to follow.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to support your points. More details can help strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
Your points about the roles of parents and schools are relevant to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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