IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many countries, an increase in crime rate has been blamed on violent images on television and in computer and video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

In recent years , the
crime
Use synonyms
 rate
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 risen
sigificantly
Correct your spelling
significantly
 in
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of countries there was a doubt that it was because of the violent images on the
ditgital
Correct your spelling
digital
 and
electroic
Correct your spelling
electronic
divaces
Correct your spelling
devices
divorces
. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 slightly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement but
a
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 think there is another major that
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
this
Linking Words
 problem . In
this
Linking Words
Correct your spelling
essay
show examples
easy
Add a comma
easy,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will give my opinion
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
explain more
also
Linking Words
 give examples. First of all ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the main cause
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the high
percenntage
Correct your spelling
percentage
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 crimes
which it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
upiqotis
Correct article usage
an upiqotis
show examples
 problem that we are facing all of it because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
electronic divaces . In fact , you might
ot
Correct your spelling
not
 be able to control the
childre
Correct your spelling
children
 to do not
wach
Correct your spelling
watch
 violence staff because it is all over the
enternet
Correct your spelling
internet
 so when
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 play a combat game and
which
Correct your spelling
watch
show examples
 a
harrible
Correct your spelling
horrible
 video that may give them
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 motivation to
do
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 a
crime
Use synonyms
 even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 just
wach
Correct your spelling
watched
 a film
tohat
Correct your spelling
that
 opersdet a
crimnal
Correct your spelling
criminal
 and the way of doing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
illegal things .
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
,
due to
Linking Words
 the violent bad
aflunser
Correct your spelling
aflutter
 in social
media
Add a comma
media,
show examples
 the
crime
Use synonyms
 ratio
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been soured because of the motivation they provided.
In addition
Linking Words
 ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the increase in
crime
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is because of the violence in modern
divacss
Correct your spelling
society
 that
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the
youth
Correct your spelling
young
show examples
 brain and causes a severe problem like anger
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 not only
annger
Correct your spelling
anger
 issues but
also
Linking Words
 they can not control
them self
Correct your spelling
themself
themselves
show examples
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 they will not see the wrong thing because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social media has shown
that is
Linking Words
normel
Correct your spelling
normal
 and there is not a csupcnuqes
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 doing
this
Linking Words
. In conclusion ,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that that it is true the violent
bassed
Correct your spelling
based
show examples
 in the
nnew
Correct your spelling
new
 technology has a big
ampact
Correct your spelling
impact
 but we can not just blame them the
parennts
Correct your spelling
parents
 should be
rospancable
Correct your spelling
responsible
 and look after
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids
also
Linking Words
 it may be the
country
Change noun form
country's
show examples
falut
Correct your spelling
fault
 they should
banded
Change the verb form
band
show examples
.

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task achievement
Make sure your thesis statement is clear and states your opinion more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on one main idea.
task achievement
Use clearer examples to support your points. This will help your ideas seem stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to spelling errors and grammar mistakes. This will improve the clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You showed a clear opinion in your writing and explained it in your paragraphs.
task achievement
You made relevant points about the effects of violent images on youth.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitize
  • aggressive behavior
  • psychological theories
  • Bandura's Social Learning Theory
  • conclusive scientific evidence
  • correlation
  • multi-factorial
  • socio-economic status
  • mental health
  • sole cause
  • outlet for aggression
  • teamwork
  • strategic thinking
  • counter-studies
  • awareness
  • violent media
What to do next:
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