IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
The
process
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 diagram demonstrates the step-by-step
of
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apply
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sugar
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 manufacturing
process
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 from
sugar
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 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is apparent that the
sugar
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-making
process
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 consists
in
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of
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 seven stages, beginning with planting
sugar
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 cane and ending with the
sugar
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 product.
This
Linking Words
process
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 is divided into two main steps, which are farming and processing.
Initially
Linking Words
, the
process
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 starts with the cultivation of
sugar
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 canes and they can be harvested after 12 to 18 months. There are two different methods for harvesting, using a machinery tractor or cutting manually by farmers.
Next,
Linking Words
sugar
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 canes are crushed to produce
a
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apply
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juice by pressing the raw
sugar
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canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
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 from the top of the crusher. Afterwards, the extracted juice undergoes purification by passing through a limestone filter to remove unwanted substances. The purified juice is
then
Linking Words
 heated to evaporate excess water, transforming it into a syrup.
After
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this
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, the syrup is put into a rotatory machine, where
sugar
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 crystals are separated from
syrup
Correct article usage
the syrup
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 with
this
Linking Words
 centrifuge method.
Finally
Linking Words
,
sugar
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 crystals are dried and cooled to produce the
sugar
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 that we normally consume.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 70%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • manufacturing process
  • cleaning
  • sanitation
  • quality control
  • crushing
  • extracted juice
  • boiling
  • concentrated syrup
  • crystallization
  • sugar crystals
  • separation
  • molasses
  • purity
  • quality
  • food processing
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