IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

whether or not government money should be used for space exploration or public facilities

whether or not
government
Use synonyms
money
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 should be used for
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 or public facilities. In the contemporary,
while
Linking Words
 advanced technology can be invented through
space
Use synonyms
exploration
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 projects, the reduction of
less
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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discrimination within society
as well as
Linking Words
upgradation
Correct article usage
the upgradation
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 of infrastructure are a benefit if the
government
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 invests in social
services
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will point out why
government
Use synonyms
 should spend their
money
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 on social
services
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of
space
Use synonyms
 explorations One of the potential reasons for the question
why
Change preposition
of why
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money
Use synonyms
 should be used for social
services
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 is the degradation of social injustice. Having spent
money
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for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 public
services
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 can ameliorate both education and health systems, it acts as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to help less privileged families have opportunities to access
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fundamental
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
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.
This
Linking Words
 can help them
to
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apply
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not encounter illiteracy or precarious illnesses, synonymous with having more chances to have a better
life
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the improvement of less privileged people moves in tandem with the decrease of social injustice.
In contrast
Linking Words
, advocates of
money
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 should be paid for
space
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exploration
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 though
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
it can act as the consitive for scientists to develop more cutting-edge inventions. By investing a vast amount of
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
space
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exploration
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, people would create many useful technologies which can later be adopted for regular basic. Take GPS as an example, which is the primary reason for
space
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exploration
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, but it is widely used by many companies and governments in modern
life
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.
Therefore
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, by investing in
space
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 manufacture, people run a higher risk of inventing new modern equipment which plays an important role in daily
life
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. In my opinion, what makes public
services
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 investment particularly reasonable is the enhancement of infrastructure. Simply put, having spent so much
money
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 on public
services
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, authorities can be able to upgrade their public facilities
such
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 as transport systems or Sewage and waste disposal systems, needless to say, it would handle
society
Change noun form
society's
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 problems and flourish the citizen’s lives. In conclusion, even though
space
Use synonyms
exploration
Use synonyms
 can bring back many benefits regarding advanced technologies, there is no doubt that the reduction of injustice within society and the improvement of standard
life
Use synonyms
 through better infrastructure are
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
paramount important. Ultimately,
Use synonyms
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
 should balance the
money
Use synonyms
 investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 both fields as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to have a holistic development.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and stick to it.
task achievement
Use more clear examples to support your points. They help to strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the clarity of your sentences. Some phrases can be hard to understand.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument, which is good for balance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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