IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many people nowadays spend a large of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

While
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 globalisation quickly enhances technology and innovation, the youth
Add a missing verb
are addict
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addict
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addicted
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to
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apply
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seamlessly
scoll
Correct your spelling
scroll
 on social
medias
Correct your spelling
media
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in
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on
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 their smartphones all the whole
days
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day
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.
Techonlogy
Correct your spelling
Technology
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
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 both
of
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apply
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positive and negative for society.
This
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 argument leads to a debate : is it good or not,
which
Correct word choice
that
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 people still spend
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
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 time on their smartphones ? In the following paragraphs, I will explain both views. In terms of drawbacks, uses of smartphones affect users' physical health impacts
such
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 as eye issues or office syndrome. When consumers spend prolonged
times
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time
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 on phones, It will affect
on
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apply
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their wrong postures and eyes that
be
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are
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 reflected by blue light from phones.
For example
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, my cousin, a high school student,
he
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apply
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always
play
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plays
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 games on his phone,
then
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 he
need
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needs
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 to wear
a
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apply
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glasses and take some back pain
theraphy
Correct your spelling
therapy
 from the hospital. Innovation does not only affect on adults
,
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apply
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 and even younger people.
On the other hand
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,
first
Correct article usage
the first
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 significant
of
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apply
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positive
aspects
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aspect
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 is technology can foster everyone can access
numerous
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to numerous
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 amounts of information through online platforms, which many can learn something that they want to know and study. Nowadays, many easily search
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for knowledges
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knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
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 on social media or online websites.
For instance
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, when I was younger around 15 years ago, Google
is that
Verb problem
was
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 not developing like today
are
Verb problem
and it
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 harder to find
some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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informations
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information
pieces of information
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.
However
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, search
engine
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engines
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combines
Wrong verb form
combined
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 with AI
that be
Verb problem
are
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significant
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significantly
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simple
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simpler
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 when compared with before. It makes most
of
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apply
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people
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the people
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 that have phones with internet can look into
enomous
Correct your spelling
enormous
venomous
 contents in the world by fingertips. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, I argue that technological development harms
to
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apply
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users in many ways;
nevertheless
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, they can support their education and knowledge for humanity.
This
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 enhancement is positive points higher than negative points
for
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apply
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overall
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.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. Clearly state your main argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to separate your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should have one main idea.
Coherence and Cohesion
Be careful with grammar and punctuation. Review your sentences for clarity.
Task Achievement
Make sure to connect your examples clearly to your main points in each paragraph.
Task Achievement
You provide some interesting examples from personal experience.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your thoughts well.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Connectivity
  • Multifunctionality
  • Instant gratification
  • Digital natives
  • Cybersecurity concerns
  • Social isolation
  • Ergonomic issues
  • Technological addiction
  • Virtual communities
  • E-learning
  • Telecommuting
  • Screen time
  • Digital detox
  • Mobile applications
  • User interface
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Information overload
  • Carpal tunnel syndrome
  • Procrastination
  • Phubbing (ignoring someone in favor of a mobile phone)
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