IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some families think the best way to take care of their aging parents is to care for them at home.Others believe that it I better for their parents to live in a special home for the elderly. Discuss bothviews and give your opinion.

In the contemporary era, many of the developed economies are facing a dilemma where
in
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apply
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the ageing population is on a steady rise and the skilled
proessonals
Correct your spelling
professionals
 who take
care
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 of the
geriartric
Correct your spelling
geriatric
 individuals are in acute shortage. One section of
the
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apply
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society
contemplate
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contemplates
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 that we manage our guardians at
own
Correct pronoun usage
our own
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 houses,
while
Linking Words
 others
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that they need to be shifted to old age
homes
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. I will discuss both sides of the coin in the following paragraphs and will
deciper
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decipher
 my reasons or my opinion n the
above stated
Add a hyphen
above-stated
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 topic. At the outset, what we have achieved today are the efforts and sacrifices that our
parents
Use synonyms
took
Verb problem
made
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 at
at
Correct your spelling
a
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 younger age. It is irrefutable that, they have been the pillar of strength for all the ups and downs in our life. Even though we are busy in our lives, keeping them at our
homes
Use synonyms
 will give them a sense of relief and happiness. They can even see their
grand children
Correct your spelling
grandchildren
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 and
enoy
Correct your spelling
enjoy
 their time with them. In case of any exigency, we are readily available to them to support them
phyically
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physically
 and emotionally. For instance,I remember my father helping my grandfather even though he had memory loss.
Its
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It's
show examples
 both an
emotinally
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emotionally
 and physically daunting task, but it is our moral duty to keep our
parents
Use synonyms
 with us.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, certain situations will force us to send our
parents
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 to elderly
care
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homes
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 modernisation, both the son are his spouse are forced to work to meet the ends of their families
finacially
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financially
. Some
parents
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 need medical attention all the time making it difficult and
such
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 a provision can be availed only in
thse
Correct your spelling
the
these
those
care
Use synonyms
homes
Use synonyms
. Not only all the round
care
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, but
also
Linking Words
 professional help
such
Linking Words
 as health
care
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 assistants,
ocupational
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occupational
 therapists and
nurseswill
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nurses will
 be available in these nursing
homes
Use synonyms
. Medicines, food and even some entertainment will be
provied
Correct your spelling
provided
 to them. These places are meant for the betterment of
Correct article usage
the geriaric
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geriaric
Correct your spelling
geriatric
 population. In a nutshell, I pen down by saying that
although
Linking Words
 nursing
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
 are designed to cater the all the requirements of our aging
parents
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, I personally do not feel taking
care
Use synonyms
 of my guardians
Linking Words
such
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is such
show examples
 a mammoth task and I prefer them to be at my house staying close to his family.

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task achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly outline the two views and your opinion. This will help your reader understand your essay better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should have clear main ideas and examples. Adding topic sentences can help with this.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve your grammar and spelling. There are several mistakes throughout your essay, which can confuse readers.
coherence and cohesion
Be careful with your word choices. There are a few spelling mistakes that make your writing less clear, such as 'geriatric' and 'financial'. Always proofread your writing before finishing.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view of the topic by discussing both sides of the debate. This is commendable and shows a good understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You share a personal story, which adds emotional depth to your essay. This personal connection helps to engage the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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