IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that young people are more important to society than older people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is often argued that young people play a more vital role in society than the elderly.
While
Linking Words
 older generations contribute valuable experience and wisdom, I strongly agree that the younger population holds greater importance
due to
Linking Words
 their ability to drive economic growth and social progress. Young adults are typically more energetic, tech-savvy, and adaptable to new working environments, which are essential qualities in today’s fast-changing job market.
For example
Linking Words
, countries like India have experienced rapid growth in their technology sectors thanks to a large, youthful workforce
that is
Linking Words
 eager to innovate and take risks.
In addition
Linking Words
, young people tend to be more open-minded and willing to challenge outdated traditions, promoting equality, human rights, and environmental sustainability. A clear example is the global climate movement led by young activists like Greta Thunberg, who has inspired millions to demand stronger environmental policies. These examples highlight how the youth can significantly contribute to national development and shape a better future for all.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I firmly believe that young people are more important to society than the elderly.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your ideas are clear and strongly support your opinion. Make sure to connect all your points clearly for better understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure and flows well, but adding a few linking words like 'Furthermore' or 'Moreover' could improve flow.
positive
You provide strong examples that support your arguments well, which adds credibility to your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Fertility
  • Maternal health
  • Psychological stability
  • Social maturity
  • Economic benefits
  • Shared responsibilities
  • Ancestral customs
  • Cultural imperatives
  • Personal development
  • Career establishment
  • Societal norms
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Divorce rates
  • Life decisions
  • Subjective wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: