IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, the number of people suffering from stress is increasing. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures could be taken to tackle it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In the contemporary day, there is an increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
large
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
number of people who have been suffering from
stress
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. Two significant causes are a large
amount
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 of
work
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 and
also
Linking Words
society
Replace the word
societal
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pressure
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, both of which contribute to mental issues
as well as
Linking Words
 anxious
feelings
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. Addressing these issues by giving a sustainable
approach
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such
Linking Words
 as working
time
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 limitation can lead those who were in
stress
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 condition to feel better. One of the principal causes of
this
Linking Words
 modern problem is an enormous rate of
work
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. Having worked
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 a long period of
day
Add an article
the day
a day
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 with so many
work
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 missions can act as a deterrent for workers to relax and refill their energy.
This
Linking Words
 propensity is vulnerable to their mental
health
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, getting rid of their spirit valuation and putting them in jeopardy. Needless to say, they face many trials and tribulations which is a precondition of
stress
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
 the large
amount
Use synonyms
 of
work
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 contributes to mental
health
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 and adverse
feelings
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 for workers, leading them to live stressfully under circumstances Another cause of
this
Linking Words
 negative problem came from social
pressure
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. Simply put,
in
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apply
show examples
today , the development of social media
move
Fix the agreement mistake
moves
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 in tandem with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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online bias ,
this
Linking Words
mean
Change the verb form
means
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 that each
of
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apply
show examples
general dweller
need
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needs
show examples
 to encounter
with
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apply
show examples
a vast
amount
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 of comparison from others related to their ability and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
is come
Change to the active voice
comes
has come
show examples
 from
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
over
Change preposition
apply
show examples
success of some people in internet who were just in young age. Indeed,
this
Linking Words
 creates
a
Remove the article
apply
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social
pressure
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 for each individual,
therefore
Linking Words
 leading them to run up against
low valuation
Add a hyphen
low-valuation
show examples
feelings
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, making them
extra-nervous
Correct your spelling
extra nervous
show examples
 and over-anxious.
However
Linking Words
, these problems can be tackled if the government enact a sustainable
approach
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 regarding
time
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 limitation. If each company can guarantee the working
time
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, workers will have enough
time
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for relaxing
Change preposition
to relax
show examples
 and
balancing
Wrong verb form
balance
show examples
 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can lead them to decrease
stress
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 and refill their energy.
Additionally
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, by giving dwellers a mental
approach
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,
this
Linking Words
 can explain
further
Linking Words
 for citizens about their role, thanking them for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 that the
manufacture
Replace the word
manufacturer
show examples
 has been developing, yet , with
this
Linking Words
approach
Use synonyms
, each worker would feel they have their own valuations , phase in their mental
health
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. Ultimately, these strategies can create better
feelings
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 for the populace , contributing to a
non stressful
Add a hyphen
non-stressful
show examples
 environment,
improving
Correct word choice
and improving
show examples
 the mental
health
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 of each person. In Conclusion, both an enormous
amount
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 of
work
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 and social
pressure
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 contribute significantly to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suffering from
stress
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 inclination. If
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 publish a sustainable
approach
Use synonyms
 related to
time
Use synonyms
 limitation and mental
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
, they can help people reduce their anxious
feelings
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 and ameliorate their
stress
Use synonyms
 conditions

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use clear and simple links between your ideas to help the reader follow your argument.
Task Achievement
Provide specific examples to support your points, which helps to clarify and strengthen your arguments.
Task Achievement
Your essay has a relevant main idea and points related to stress which is good for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance
  • Burnout
  • Digital detox
  • Mindfulness
  • Coping mechanisms
  • Cognitive-behavioral therapy
  • Financial stability
  • Public awareness campaigns
  • Resilience training
  • Support networks
What to do next:
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