IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Worker often have to retire at the age of 60 or 65. However, some people say that they should be allowed to continue working for as long as they want. What is your opinion about this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 254 words.

It’s popular that the retirement
age
Use synonyms
 is 60 or 65. Some people argue that workers should be allowed to continue working as long as they can. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain my own opinion. I firmly support
this
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 role of having a specific
age
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 for retirement. Individuals should have the opportunities to find jobs so that the elderly don’t control the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market under the pretext of their
work
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 experience.
For instance
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, if employees have the chance to get promoted when the time comes for someone to retire, that would provide chances for others to get
work
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.
Consequently
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, the problem of unemployment will gradually reduce.
According to
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 New York
magazine
Capitalize word
Magazine
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, when governments started to set an
age
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 to stop working, states began to notice
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 reduction
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 unemployment problems. Another main reason, employers need new minds and new ideas. To have experience is not enough in the world’s development. Some kinds of
work
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 require modern overviews, young people with more knowledge about the new life priorities, and minds that can keep up with the rapid updates and developments in life.
For example
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, for marketing, if some companies want to promote their products, they would probably like to
work
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 with the young generation
due to
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 their worldwide influence and their common priorities with the target group of people. The critics of
this
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 law, thinking from an emotional standpoint, believe that no one should judge anyone for their
age
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. Anyone can still give more as
far
Rephrase
long
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 as they have the passion for it.
To sum up
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, I strongly believe that having a retirement
age
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 would help solve a lot of issues
such
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 as unemployment and
work
Use synonyms
 evolution, even though it has a side effect on humankind’s feelings.

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Task Achievement
The introduction outlines your opinion, but it can be clearer. Try to state your opinion more directly and include a brief summary of reasons in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your paragraphs should have clearer topic sentences to show the main idea. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
Add more examples or details, especially to support your ideas on unemployment and the need for new ideas. This will make your arguments stronger.
Task Achievement
You present a clear opinion and make a case for your argument regarding retirement age.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your position on the retirement age issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension systems
  • social security
  • life expectancy
  • mental and physical well-being
  • active and engaged
  • mentorship
  • knowledge transfer
  • job opportunities
  • workforce
  • physical strength
  • workplace safety
  • healthcare costs
  • accommodation
  • financial strain
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