IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres or route and passenger numbers per year in millions. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Underground Railway Systems Date opened Kilometres of route London Paris Tokyo Washington DC Kyoto Los Angeles 1863 1900 1927 1976 1981 2001 394 199 155 126 11 28 Passengers per year (in millions) 775 1191 1928 144 45 50

The table shows data about underground railway systems in six major cities with date opened, kilometres or route and passenger numbers per year in millions. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Underground Railway Systems Date opened Kilometres of route London Paris Tokyo Washington DC Kyoto Los Angeles 1863 1900 1927 1976 1981 2001 394 199 155 126 11 28 Passengers per year (in millions) 775 1191 1928 144 45 50
The table shows the data about how many passengers underground
railways
Fix the agreement mistake
railway
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 systems were valued in six cities. The information
include
Change the verb form
includes
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date
Correct article usage
the date
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 opened, length of
road
Add an article
the road
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, and
passenger
Fix the agreement mistake
passengers
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 per year and the following places are
London
Use synonyms
, Tokyo, Paris, Washington DC,
Kyoto
Use synonyms
, and Los Angeles. It is clear from the table that
London
Use synonyms
 had the longest routes of
railroad
Add an article
the railroad
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 and opened for the first time among the candidates,
while
Linking Words
Kyoto
Use synonyms
 had the shortest rail and Los Angeles started the latest. In terms of customers per year, Tokyo had the highest amount at around 1927 million, followed by Paris with 1191 million, and
Kyoto
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 showed lower figures. For the length of the route,
London
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 has the biggest value around 397 km, considerably more than other cities,
while
Linking Words
 the shortest came from
Kyoto
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 at around 11 km. As mentioned in the question,
London
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 built the railroad in 1863, and after 37 years, Paris began to construct the same facility.
The
Change preposition
In the
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 next two decades, Tokyo came
to
Change preposition
into
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 the business
as well as
Linking Words
 Los Angeles opened the underground
railways
Change to a genitive case
railway's
railways'
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 network in
the
Change the article
apply
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2001.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words london, kyoto with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "data" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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