IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

People doing dangerous sports activities like scuba diving and bungie jumping, they should be responsible for their own life and rescue workers should not risk their lives to save people. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
People
Use synonyms
 Think that rescue workers shouldn't risk their
lives
Use synonyms
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
who's
Change the verb form
who are
show examples
 doing
dnagerous
Correct your spelling
dangerous
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 like
bungie
Correct your spelling
bungee
 jumping and scuba diving and they should hold
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countability for their actions. I fully agree ,Because these
people
Use synonyms
 are doing it
while
Linking Words
 knowing there's a possibility that they might hurt
themselfs
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
while
Linking Words
 doing
,
Rephrase
so, Moreover
show examples
Moreover
Linking Words
 they know they are putting
others
Change noun form
others'
other's
show examples
lives
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 danger and there's a chance that the rescuer might get hurt or even die
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the worst case scenario.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
People
Use synonyms
who's
Change the verb form
who are
show examples
 doing
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of sports are not putting the possibility of calling a rescuer in mind ,
However
Linking Words
 Doing these kinds of dangerous actions and calling it
sport
Correct article usage
a sport
show examples
 triggers so many
people
Use synonyms
 including me,
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 if someone
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 hurt
while
Linking Words
 doing scuba diving will he be feeling some sort
accountbility
Correct your spelling
accountability
 for risking
he's
Correct your spelling
his
show examples
 life ? , I think the answer is no because
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of them
thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that it's part of the
Correct your spelling
learning
learing
Correct your spelling
learning
 cycle and there's nothing serious about it
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
They are putting innocent
lives
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 risk and
danger
Change preposition
in danger
show examples
 for no reason just to satisfy their feeling , It's insane to me , Like didn't they think about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
while
Linking Words
 doing these kinds of sports about how will they affect themselves and others
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In conclusion, The thought of not helping them at all is
kinda
Correct your spelling
kind
show examples
inasne
Correct your spelling
insane
inane
 but justifiable doing these kinds of sports that could
cause
Verb problem
cost
show examples
 them their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 or the possibility of hurting
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 or causing them there
lives
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 they trying to help them is the main reason why so many
people
Use synonyms
thin
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that the rescuer shouldn't interfere.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction. It will help the reader know your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph to guide the reader through your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures to make your writing more engaging and easier to follow.
task achievement
You provided a clear opinion in the essay that shows your agreement with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your points well, which helps to wrap up the essay nicely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • high-risk sports
  • unnecessary danger
  • rescue operations
  • society's duty
  • distress
  • thorough training
  • deter
  • adventure sports industry
  • guidelines and regulations
  • mandatory insurance
  • safety measures
  • technological advancements
  • efficiency of rescue operations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: