IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that media have the right to publish details of people's private lives, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

Some
people
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 believe that the
media
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 should be free to publish information about
people
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’s private lives. They think
this
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 is part of freedom of speech. If someone is famous, many
people
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 want to know more about them. Fans like to read about their
favorite
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favourite
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 celebrities.
Also
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, sometimes the
media
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 can find bad or illegal actions, like a politician lying. In
this
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 case, sharing private details can help the public.
On the other hand
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, many
people
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 think the
media
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 should not show private information. Everyone has a right to privacy. Even famous
people
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 are human, and they need their own space. When the
media
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 publishes too much, it can hurt
people
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.
For example
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, some celebrities feel very stressed because the
media
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 is always watching them. It can
also
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 be dangerous. Sometimes,
people
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 are followed by strangers because their private life is in the news. In my opinion, the
media
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 should be careful. They should not publish everything. If the information is important for public safety or shows a crime,
then
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 it is okay. But small personal details, like who someone is dating or where they go on holiday, should stay private. In conclusion, the
media
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 has a big responsibility. They should think before they share personal news.
People
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 need privacy, and the
media
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 must respect that. Freedom is important, but so is respect for others.

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task achievement
Try to add more examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'first', 'next', and 'finally' to help organize your ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states both sides of the argument.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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