IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe teenagers should follow the examples of older people, others believe it is natural for teenagers to challenge what older people say. Discuss both views and give ypur opinion.

In today's world, it is logical to think that treading the path that the elders have already paved is a safe and secure way to success,
while
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 others might argue that adolescents should make their own way in the world and challenge traditional views and ideas. I believe the answer lies in the middle. As humans, we tend to lead by example and leave a legacy for future generations. Our elders offer a plethora of wisdom,
this
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 knowledge can serve as a blueprint for young adults to follow. Older people have lived a full life and are aware of their regrets,
as well as
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 their best decisions.
This
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 can guide teenagers to avoid the same mistakes and strive for excellence, as seen when parents help their children get started in the same profession as themselves, giving them a boost in their careers.
Although
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 walking down a sure-shot way
of
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to
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 success might seem tempting, as a young adult myself, I understand the desire to do something
brand new
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brand-new
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 and follow my own passions.
Additionally
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, conventional ideas might not be suitable for today's society.
For example
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. Elders might argue that women should not work after having children, but in modern times,
this
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 might not be universally accepted. In conclusion, I strongly believe that it is acceptable for young individuals to learn from their own mistakes and voice their opinions, as
that is
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 how we as a generation can progress. Reading a book can give us the information we need, but we must write our own chapter to be a good writer.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state both views in separate paragraphs. This will help in organizing your essay better.
task achievement
Add more specific examples to strengthen your points. For instance, you can give another example of a challenge teenagers face today that older generations might not understand.
task achievement
Your introduction gives a good overview of the topic and your opinion.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a good flow and connections between sentences.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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