IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think it is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new town for people to spend their free time. To what extent doo you agree or disagree?

At present, people have had divergent
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 related to
utilize
Wrong verb form
utilising
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
free
time
Use synonyms
 where some opine that parks including
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
contres
Correct your spelling
centres
countries
 should be included in the new development;
however
Linking Words
, others believe that shopping
complex
Fix the agreement mistake
complexes
show examples
 have to be added.
While
Linking Words
 spending
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure
time
Use synonyms
towards
Change preposition
apply
show examples
going into new shops could enhance
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 knowledge of new brands, I would argue that having a tour
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
playround
Correct your spelling
playground
playgrounds
 and garden will be a
way
Use synonyms
 more potent. There is no doubt that having a round in spare
time
Use synonyms
 in big shops could boost
practicality
Correct article usage
the practicality
show examples
to buy
Change preposition
of buying
show examples
 things. Since when new entrepreneur visit to supermarket they not only observe items placed on
selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 see their marketing
stretegies
Correct your spelling
strategies
,
this
Linking Words
 would be the best
way
Use synonyms
 to use
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
. There have been multiple instances when masses go out either
for buying
Change preposition
to buy
show examples
 or just for a small tour in
mega-market
Correct article usage
a mega-market
show examples
, they get a new experience which
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 their knowledge. On
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 flip side, when folk go to parks and
field-ground
Fix the agreement mistake
field-grounds
show examples
, their health boost at an alarming rate. If in extra
time
Use synonyms
 an individual
try
Change the verb form
tries
show examples
 to do exercise or yoga, they can stay fit as a fiddle.
Moreover
Linking Words
,old person can recharge their memories
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
way
Use synonyms
. In
garden
Add an article
the garden
show examples
 when friends sit
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 talk to their intimates
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 could help them to share their feelings and emotions, and make them happy. Despite going to
showroom
Add an article
the showroom
show examples
 which paves the
way
Use synonyms
 to enhance
knowledge related
Add a hyphen
knowledge-related
show examples
 to buy many items, I personally believe that people ought to go
gardens
Change preposition
to gardens
show examples
 or stadium as it
boost
Change the verb form
boosts
show examples
 their physical
as well as
Linking Words
 mental health.

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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your opinion about the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs with one main idea each.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points; this will make your argument stronger.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for spelling errors (like 'stretegies' and 'playground') and sentence structure to improve clarity.
Task Achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, which shows good understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You expressed a clear opinion by stating that parks and sports facilities are more important, which is a good way to engage with the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parks
  • sports
  • facilities
  • shopping
  • centers
  • free time
  • important
  • provide
  • community
  • health
  • lifestyle
  • physical activity
  • mental well-being
  • nature
  • relax
  • events
  • belonging
  • teamwork
  • interaction
  • consumer
  • lifestyle
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