As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. Do you agree or disagree?

There is a growing belief that being comfortable in the workplace is a crucial aspect for workers especially when these people spend most of their time there. I completely agree with
this
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statement because job satisfaction not only increases happiness but it is
also
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vital for the psychological part of every person.
This
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essay will elaborate on why I endorse
this
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perspective.
Initially
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, job satisfaction reinforces happiness for company members. To clarify, when workers are satisfied,
this
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makes them more productive.
Hence
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, they get promoted which makes them so happy.
In addition
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, they can financially support their families which is
also
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a substantial factor for their smile.
For example
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,
according to
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the manager of Ford Firm, he said that 67% of employees who obtained a promotion were the ones who felt comfortable in
this
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place.
Furthermore
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, feeling good inside the workplace is essential for the psychological condition.
In other words
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, men spend 8 hours every day
to work
Change the verb form
working
show examples
, so it is tremendously important for them to be relaxed during
this
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long time.
Moreover
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, being in a toxic working environment can lead to depression.
For instance
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, doctor Mark Twin who works at London Therapy, Implied that the vast majority of salesmen are depressed because they have daily problems with their managers.
To sum up
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, I advocate for the importance of job satisfaction. Feeling good during working hours plays a pivotal role in being elated as an individual.
Additionally
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, it should be a priority for hiring bosses to offer healthy working environments, so males can perform well and avoid sadness.

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task achievement
Try to include more relevant examples to support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words to make your points flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea or point to strengthen your arguments.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic.
task achievement
You have addressed both happiness and psychological aspects of job satisfaction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • job satisfaction
  • wellbeing
  • adult life
  • productive
  • motivated
  • environment
  • relationships
  • mental health
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • health
  • personal relationships
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