Some people think it is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new town for people to spend their free time. To what extent doo you agree or disagree?

Some argue that providing parks and sports
facilities
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in a new city is more valuable, rather than shopping
centers
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centres
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. I think that both
facilities
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are important for people living in the city.
However
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, I believe that building
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
facilities
a facility
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facilities
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for people’s health
such
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as gyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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more essential for habitants.
To begin
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with,
shopping
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the shopping
a shopping
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center
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centre
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is a convenient place to get everything you want.
Therefore
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, you do not need to move to another shop to buy different kinds of items.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if you do not have anything to buy, you can enjoy just looking around the shops.
Thus
Linking Words
,
shopping
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the shopping
a shopping
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center
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centre
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is
useful
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a useful
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and enjoyable place.
On the other hand
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, there are
less
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fewer
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facilities
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for people to keep
health
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healthy
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such
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as parks and gyms than before.
Therefore
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children can not play
outdoor
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outdoors
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, and adults do not spend time
for
Change preposition
on
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physical activities, which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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to a high risk of illness and disease. For those reasons, those
facilities
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must be built in a new town.
Overall
Linking Words
, both places are important for us to live.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates to your topic.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to connect your ideas better, like 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'finally'.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points about parks and shopping centers.
task achievement
Provide a stronger conclusion that summarises your main points better.
task achievement
You provide some clear opinions about parks and shopping centers.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow from one point to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parks
  • sports
  • facilities
  • shopping
  • centers
  • free time
  • important
  • provide
  • community
  • health
  • lifestyle
  • physical activity
  • mental well-being
  • nature
  • relax
  • events
  • belonging
  • teamwork
  • interaction
  • consumer
  • lifestyle
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