IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Improvements in health, education and trade are essential for the development of poorer nations. However, the governments of richer nations should take more responsibility for helping the poorer nations in such areas. To what extent do you agree?

With the ongoing advancements of globalism,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 has been controversy
that
Change preposition
about
show examples
 who is taking care of the development of poor nations, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the power and equity
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 out of balance between poor and rich
countries
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would
argued
Change the verb form
argue
show examples
 that it is
responsibility
Add an article
the responsibility
show examples
 of rich
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 to help growth
countries
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
with the development of globalism, many rich
countries
Use synonyms
 have
responsibility
Correct article usage
a responsibility
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 invest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 poor
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
. Some argued that It is obvious that many rich
Use synonyms
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 which having large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of GDP
such
Linking Words
 as the US, UK, China, and Japan
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
rely on the
labours
Correct your spelling
labourers
show examples
 in poor
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, inequality between
countries
Use synonyms
 may cause
another issues
Replace the adjective
another issue
other issues
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
,
migrations
Fix the agreement mistake
migration
show examples
 is caused by the financial gap between the
countries
Use synonyms
. In the end, it is not only the responsibility
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 poor
countries
Use synonyms
benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
rich
countries
Use synonyms
, at the same time.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite the
increase
Replace the word
increased
show examples
 demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
investing
Replace the word
investment
show examples
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 poor
countries
Use synonyms
 and education, some
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 is
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 for poor
countries
Use synonyms
. From the perspective of
poor
Add an article
a poor
show examples
country
Use synonyms
, the main
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 inequality is from lack of sustainability.
Through
Change preposition
Throughout
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
history, some poor
countries
Use synonyms
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 supported by rich
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 in terms of financial and educational areas.
However
Linking Words
, even though
such
Linking Words
supports
Fix the agreement mistake
support
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 enough, the
country
Use synonyms
 hasn’t developed continuously. In conclusion, the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 helping poor
countries
Use synonyms
 has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased significantly as a lot of people living
poor
Change preposition
in poor
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 struggling with their
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
. It is crucial
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to invest
poor
Change preposition
in poor
show examples
countries
Use synonyms
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalism works well under the supporting each
others
Change to a singular noun
other
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly present your main argument. Make it stronger by stating your position directly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some sentences are unclear. Try to use simpler sentences to express your ideas more clearly. This will make your essay easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention specific aid programs or partnerships between countries.
Task Achievement
You raise important points about the roles of rich and poor countries, showing good awareness of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your main idea, which is great for tying everything together.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • underdeveloped nations
  • economic disparity
  • global cooperation
  • moral obligation
  • historical exploitation
  • interconnected world
  • economic stability
  • quality of life
  • trade relationships
  • humanitarian aid
  • capacity building
  • dependency syndrome
  • sustainable development
  • bilateral agreements
  • economic priorities
What to do next:
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