IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People aim to achieve a balance between their work and personal life, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem ? How to overcome it?

It is true that in the contemporary era,
although
Linking Words
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
 try to make a balance in relation to their personal
as well as
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 their professional life, only
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 achieve
this
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 target.
While
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their
Replace the word
there
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 are certain underlying reasons associated with
this
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happing
Correct your spelling
happening
show examples
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would argue that these
colud
Correct your spelling
could
 be easily ameliorated by applying viable solutions. Regards causes,
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 condition of a
person
Use synonyms
 will be the primary reason, which creates
this
Linking Words
 problem. if
working
Add an article
a working
the working
show examples
person
Use synonyms
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffers
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 from any chronic disorder, it is certain that
this
Linking Words
person
Use synonyms
 is unable
concentrate
Add the particle
to concentrate
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 on their office work and even on their household tasks.
Second
Add an article
The second
show examples
 reason can be
the
Correct article usage
apply
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family issues. In some families when any
person
Use synonyms
could commit
Wrong verb form
commits
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 a crime or
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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ilegal
Correct your spelling
illegal
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
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,
then
Linking Words
this
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 would halt the whole family's progress. There have been multiple instances which have
prooved
Correct your spelling
proved
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 that when the head of a house does bad things,
then
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 the complete family would suffer. Regards solutions,
workholic
Correct your spelling
workaholic
 people should eat
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
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 diet. By dint of eating a balanced
dietwhuch
Correct your spelling
diet which
 composed of essential nutrients
such
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 as minerals, carbohydrates, proteins, vitamins and fibres, an individual will stay fit as a fiddle. based the war aside my will
Linking Words
as
Add the comma(s)
, as
show examples
 a result, they
concentratemore
Correct your spelling
concentrate more
 on their job.
Nextly
Rephrase
Next
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, people have to a proper schooling. By having appropriate education which paves the way to teach basic knowledge of morals and ethics, people
colud
Correct your spelling
could
 become a better
burson
Change the capitalization
Burson
person
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 of themselves.
This
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 helps to make a balance in
Use synonyms
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 life. An article was published in "the Tribune" where it mentioned that by providing education to a bad
person
Use synonyms
 of
house
Add an article
the house
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, their present generation able to focus more on their
carrer
Correct your spelling
career
as well as
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 their house life. In conclusion, despite having issues
such
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 as
:
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 poor health and family disbalance,
this
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 essay highlighted some pragmatic ways to curb these issues are twofold: nutrients complete
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 and basic education.

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task achievement
Make sure to use clear examples for your points.
coherence and cohesion
Check for grammar and spelling mistakes.
coherence and cohesion
Try to connect your ideas better to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Make your introduction and conclusion clearer and stronger.
task achievement
You have tried to cover both the causes and solutions.
task achievement
The topic is relevant and well understood.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • productivity
  • advancement
  • efficiency
  • blurred lines
  • remotely
  • encroaching
  • cultural expectations
  • societal norms
  • professional success
  • clear boundaries
  • flexible working hours
  • fostering
  • company culture
  • mindfulness
  • time management
  • prioritizing
  • delegating
  • stress
What to do next:
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