IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane.
The diagram depicts the sequences of how
sugar
Use synonyms
 is made from
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process has seven distinct steps,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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a part of
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 happens in fields and the rest of it in a facility. The steps begin with
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane cultivation and after several processes, it ends with the final product which is
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, it takes 12 to 18 months
for growing
Change preposition
to grow
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
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 in the field.
Then
Linking Words
, the
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes are harvested either by hand
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 or by machinery. Following that, in order to make
sugar
Use synonyms
 juice,
sugar
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 canes are crushed by a machine, before being purified by a limestone filter. In the next step, by heating the juice in an evaporator, it turns into syrup. In the penultimate step,
syrup
Add an article
the syrup
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 is centrifuged in order for
sugar
Use synonyms
 crystals to be separated from the syrup. Eventually, the
sugar
Use synonyms
 is cooled and dried.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sugar with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 2 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sugar cane
  • harvesting
  • manufacturing process
  • cleaning
  • sanitation
  • quality control
  • crushing
  • extracted juice
  • boiling
  • concentrated syrup
  • crystallization
  • sugar crystals
  • separation
  • molasses
  • purity
  • quality
  • food processing
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