IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think it is more important to provide parks and sports facilities than to provide shopping centers in these new town for people to spend their free time. To what extent doo you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate regarding whether new towns should prioritize
parks
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 and
sports
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facilities
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instead
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 of shopping
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centers
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centres
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.
This
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 essay agrees that creating more green spaces is a better option as it promotes physical well-being and supports environmental sustainability. Many towns and cities are building more shopping
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centers
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centres
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 and entertainment
facilities
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 nowadays, rather than providing more green
areas
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,
such
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 as
parks
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 and fitness
facilities
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, for their citizens. By building more
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centers
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centres
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,
people
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 have no choice but to visit malls, stay in closed spaces, and spend unnecessary money and time.
For example
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, it can be observed that many
people
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 in Istanbul are more likely to go to shopping
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centers
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centres
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due to
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 a lack of picnic
areas
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,
parks
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, and fitness
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centers
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centres
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. Building more
parks
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 and
sports
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centers
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centres
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 for leisure activities in new towns can
also
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 contribute to environmental protection by planting more green
areas
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 and trees
instead
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 of deforestation for the construction of malls.
People
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, especially children, can enjoy
parks
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 and their childhood
while
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 spending time in the fresh air, and
parks
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 can
also
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 benefit citizens who are struggling with obesity or cardiovascular problems by exercising in
sports
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facilities
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 or simply walking in the
parks
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. Cities like Paris or Rome have numerous green
parks
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 for their citizens, and the malls are away from the city
center
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centre
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;
therefore
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, many
people
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 have the chance to visit, walk, and enjoy
parks
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. In conclusion, public
parks
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 and
sports
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facilities
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 play a crucial role in promoting health, fitness, and environmental sustainability. Providing these
areas
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 not only benefits
people
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 but
also
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 helps with climate change, since shopping
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centers
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centres
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 can be harmful to the environment. Authorities should consider having more spaces for green
areas
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,
parks
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, and
sports
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centers
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centres
show examples
 for their citizens’ long-term healthcare and environmental impact.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with enough details.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your points are clearly connected to help the reader follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your main argument.
task achievement
Your essay clearly states the benefits of parks and sports facilities for health and environment.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • parks
  • sports
  • facilities
  • shopping
  • centers
  • free time
  • important
  • provide
  • community
  • health
  • lifestyle
  • physical activity
  • mental well-being
  • nature
  • relax
  • events
  • belonging
  • teamwork
  • interaction
  • consumer
  • lifestyle
What to do next:
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