IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
Given pie charts depict moderate data
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 household outcomes of housing,
transport
Use synonyms
,
food
Use synonyms
,
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 and other
goods
Use synonyms
 and
services
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010. Looking at the
overall
Linking Words
 structure, it is obvious that the percentage of other
goods
Use synonyms
 and
services
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the highest for
Japan
Use synonyms
 and Housing for
Malaysia
Use synonyms
. Superiors points for
Japan
Use synonyms
 are
transport
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,
health
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care
Use synonyms
 and other
goods
Use synonyms
 and
services
Use synonyms
, meanwhile housing and
food
Use synonyms
 for
Malaysia
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with
Japan
Use synonyms
, the greatest household expenditure of
this
Linking Words
 country is other
goods
Use synonyms
 and
services
Use synonyms
 which accounted for 29% of the total,
whereas
Linking Words
 the smallest is
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 with 6%.
Food
Use synonyms
, housing and
transport
Use synonyms
 comprise 24%, 21% and 20%, respectively.
In addition
Linking Words
, spending
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 housing which
constitute
Change the verb form
constitutes
show examples
 34% is the most significant proportion of
Malaysia
Use synonyms
. Housing and
food
Use synonyms
 amounted to 27% superior points.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, other
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
 and
services
Use synonyms
 26%,
transport
Use synonyms
 10% and
health
Use synonyms
care
Use synonyms
 3% cannot be considered as superior.
Also
Linking Words
, healthcare has the least category.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words transport, food, health, care, goods, services, japan, malaysia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditures
  • proportion
  • cultural differences
  • economic differences
  • living standards
  • real estate market
  • public transportation
  • private transportation
  • infrastructure
  • government healthcare policies
  • quality of life
  • holistic view
  • inflation
  • economic growth
  • societal norms
  • globalization
  • communication expenses
  • education expenses
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