When a country develops its technology,the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.

Nowdays

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

, traditional values are going to disappear,

due to

Linking Words

the development of

technical

Add an article

the technical

show examples

sector. I

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

partilly

Correct your spelling

partially

agree with

this

Linking Words

statement. I will discuss my

view points

Correct your spelling

viewpoints

show examples

in subsequent

paragarphs

Correct your spelling

paragraphs

. As far as my views are concerned,

Change the capitalization

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believe that, in ancient times, people

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

doing stitching,

embroidery

Correct word choice

and embroidery

show examples

sort of

things

Use synonyms

by hand, but technology

provide

Wrong verb form

provided

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

advance

Replace the word

advanced

show examples

machines . Those are

done

Wrong verb form

show examples

this

Linking Words

work with less time

resulting to make

Wrong verb form

making

show examples

their work easy.

Additionally

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

the technical development, individuals are busy in their work. They have no time to spend with their families. Which makes their relations weaken.

For example

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

my friend's family

eating

Wrong verb form

ate

show examples

dinner together by sitting on the surface, because in

oldest

Correct article usage

the oldest

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time

Fix the agreement mistake

times

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people usually believe that it is beneficial for health to

eating

Wrong verb form

eat

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food

byitting

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by sitting

floor

Add an article

the floor

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with family.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, many proponents reserve traditional

things

Use synonyms

save for cultural history. Which became a source of income for them by showing those

things

Use synonyms

in different exhibitions.

Linking Words

Further more

Correct your spelling

Furthermore

show examples

, traditional skills are crucial for those

persons

Replace the word

people

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those

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

are technically

inllitrate

Correct your spelling

illiterate

. They can earn their bread and butter in traditional fields

such

Linking Words

as agriculture.

For instance

Linking Words

, an article was published by 'The Tribune' in 2012, which disclosed that 25% economy had been increased by

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

tourism , in

japan

Capitalize word

Japan

show examples

. Specially on traditional places by exploring the ancient

things

Use synonyms

. In conclusion,

Although

Linking Words

traditional values are replaced by technology,

but

Remove the conjunction

apply

show examples

it is precious for those people , who are uneducated and technically

illitrate

Correct your spelling

illiterate

gurwinder121992

Jun 12, 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Ensure your ideas are clearly stated and logically linked. Each paragraph should have a clear main point that supports your argument.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples and details to support your claims. This will make your argument stronger.

language use

Check your grammar and punctuation to avoid confusing sentences and to improve clarity.

content

You have made a good attempt to express your thoughts on the topic and present both sides of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
29
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

246 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Technological advancement
Efficiency
Global connectivity
Cultural identity
Diversity
Innovation
Coexist
Sustainable
Eco-friendly
Energy-intensive
Practical skills
Self-sufficiency
Homogenize
Preservation
Global diversity

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When a country develops its technology,the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Computers are often argued to be the most important invention of the last hundred years. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement

The rise of social media platforms has made it easier for people to vent their frustrations and complaints publicly. What is the consequence of this trend? Is there any benefit to expressing complaints on social media?