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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014

The bar chart below shows the top ten countries for the production and consumption of electricity in 2014
The bar chart depicts
top
Correct article usage
the top
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 ten countries
according to
Linking Words
 the amount of
electricity
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 they consumed and made during 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, China and the U.S had the highest numbers in the consumption and
production
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 of
electricity
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 respectively
while
Linking Words
, others including Russia, Japan, India, Canada, France, Brazil, Germany and Korea share almost the same numbers. All of the ten countries produce
electricity
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 more than they use except for Germany which that of is
on the contrary
Linking Words
. China and the
U.S
Correct your spelling
U.S.
 produced 5398
billion
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Use synonyms
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
 and 4099
billion
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Use synonyms
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
 of
electricity
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 respectively
while
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 the former consumed 5322
billion
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Use synonyms
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
 and the latter 3866
billion
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kwh
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
electricity
Change preposition
of electricity
show examples
 in the same year. In the third and fourth positions are Russia and Japan with approximately the same amount of
electricity
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production
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 at about 1000
billion
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Use synonyms
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
 and of consumption at about 900
billion
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Use synonyms
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
 respectively. India, Canada, France and Brazil come next respectively with roughly the same numbers. Germany consumed about 60
billion
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Use synonyms
kwh
Correct your spelling
kWh
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electricity
Change preposition
of electricity
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 more than its
production
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 and South Korea accounted for the lowest amount in the consumption and
production
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 of
electricity
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words electricity, production, billion, kwh with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • megawatt-hours (MWh)
  • electricity grid
  • renewable energy sources
  • fossil fuels
  • energy efficiency
  • consumption patterns
  • power generation
  • industrial demand
  • residential use
  • transmission losses
  • energy imports
  • sustainability
  • carbon footprint
  • energy policy
  • capacity
  • infrastructure
  • demand and supply
  • electrification
  • energy security
  • grid reliability
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