IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The first chart below shows information about the consumers of water in Australia in 2004. The second chart gives details of residential water use in Australia in the same year.

The first chart below shows information about the consumers of water in Australia in 2004. The second chart gives details of residential water use in Australia in the same year.
Contained in the pie chart is data pertaining to the
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
water
Use synonyms
 consumption by
Australian
Fix the agreement mistake
Australians
show examples
 in 2004,
while
Linking Words
 the bar chart
dipicts
Correct your spelling
depicts
 information
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 use
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 people in Australia between 5 categories in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 similar year.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 who used bottled
water
Use synonyms
 had the highest percentage in 2004.
In addition
Linking Words
,
bathroom
Correct article usage
the bathroom
show examples
 and garden were 2 facilities where people mostly used
water
Use synonyms
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. With
regards
Fix the agreement mistake
regard
show examples
 to the proportion of consumers of bottled
water
Use synonyms
 in Australia.For residential, there were significantly
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 apartments, at 17%, than houses, at 53%,making the total of 70%. The figures for industrial were identical to those for business,
accounted
Wrong verb form
accounting
show examples
 for 10% for both. At the same time,
Government
Correct article usage
the Government
show examples
, at 6%, palpably exceeded the remaining consumers by a margin of only 3%. Attention will now be turned to the chart where
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
water
Use synonyms
use
Replace the word
used
show examples
 in
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
. There was near parity between Bathroom and Garden, at 27% for the former and 28% for the latter. Meanwhile, Washing
clother
Correct your spelling
clothes
, at 20%, moderately topped Toilet and Kiten ranging between 5% and 10%,respectively.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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