IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to control violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this action?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, we can see so many
films
Use synonyms
 and
web-series
Correct your spelling
web series
show examples
 with violence in it.
Huge
Correct article usage
A huge
show examples
 amount of
films
Use synonyms
 are
producing
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
, and we find most of them with high amount of
crime
Use synonyms
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 affects
nagatively
Correct your spelling
negatively
 on society. I
am completely agree
Change the verb form
completely agree
show examples
 with the statement that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should control
this
Linking Words
kind
Use synonyms
 of thing in entertainment.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, producers are trying to
attrect
Correct your spelling
attract
 viewers for their productions, so they cross
boundries
Correct your spelling
boundaries
 to attract people
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their cinema. People are very excited to see new
movies
Use synonyms
 and
web-series
Correct your spelling
web series
show examples
, so they trying to make
films
Use synonyms
 more violent to attract
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
ministry
Add an article
the ministry
show examples
 has to make rules to control
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these kinds
show examples
kind
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
movies
Change preposition
of movies
show examples
 and serials, to avoid spreading
violent
Replace the word
violence
show examples
 to society. Teenagers are watching
this
Linking Words
 and they learn from
this
Linking Words
, so authorities should take serious action
aginst
Correct your spelling
against
show examples
 publishers.
For example
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 of
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
introdues
Correct your spelling
introduced
 a new Sensor board recently, to
contol
Correct your spelling
control
this
Linking Words
kind
Use synonyms
 of violence in
movies
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
introdues
Correct your spelling
introduce
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 age
rating
Fix the agreement mistake
ratings
show examples
 for all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
films
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other side, If
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is not
intrested
Correct your spelling
interested
 in
such
Linking Words
kind
Use synonyms
 of production,
then
Linking Words
 makers can make any
kind
Use synonyms
 of
Use synonyms
films
Fix the agreement mistake
film
show examples
 with
crime
Use synonyms
 scenes,
this
Linking Words
 can create
Correct article usage
a nagetive
show examples
nagetive
Correct your spelling
negative
 impact on young
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
. They are always watching
films
Use synonyms
 on television, whenever they are free. If they learn from
movies
Use synonyms
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 our society can be more
creul
Correct your spelling
cruel
careful
.
For Instance
Linking Words
, research done by New York
university
Capitalize word
University
show examples
 says, kids who like to watch
crime
Use synonyms
movies
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
are generally involves
Change the verb form
are generally involved
show examples
 in
crime
Use synonyms
, going forward.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 has to make rules for producers who make
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
youngrs
Correct your spelling
youngsters
 can learn bad habits from
crime
Use synonyms
movies
Use synonyms
, going forward, it can
gives
Verb problem
have
show examples
 bad effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
. With
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
films
Add a comma
films,
show examples
government
Use synonyms
 can drive
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction should clearly state your opinion and briefly outline your main points. This helps the reader understand your views right away.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use linking words (like 'firstly', 'on the other hand', 'in conclusion') to clearly connect your ideas and make the essay flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to check your spelling and grammar. Some words are misspelled, which can make it hard for readers to understand your point right away.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph should have a clear main idea. Make sure each one relates back to your main point about government control of violence in films and TV.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion on the topic, which is important in an IELTS essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • proliferation
  • normalize
  • desensitize
  • propensity
  • vulnerable populations
  • impressionable
  • emulate
  • stifles
  • creative freedom
  • censorship
  • slippery slope
  • media literacy
  • conclusively proven
  • socioeconomic conditions
  • mental health services
  • age ratings
  • content warnings
  • artistic freedom
  • informed choices
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