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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the location and types of dance classes young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart illustrates the proportion of different locations of
dance
Use synonyms
 classes, and the bar chart gives information about the breakdown of
dance
Use synonyms
 categories by
age
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private studios are the most popular, and the preference
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 different types of
dance
Use synonyms
is varying
Wrong verb form
varies
show examples
 from
age
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
according to
Linking Words
 the pie chart, private studios make up the largest percentage, accounting for almost
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half,
following
Wrong verb form
followed
show examples
 by school halls (after school) and community halls and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, at approximately a quarter and 18% respectively. The
lease
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
 common choice is college-based studios, only one
fifth
Change preposition
of fifth
show examples
 students
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
show examples
 to learn there. As for the types, the popularity shows a significant difference in each
age
Use synonyms
 group. Students under
eleven-year
Correct your spelling
eleven years
show examples
 old are more likely to participate in ballet class,
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
tap, and only 200 students join the modern
dance
Use synonyms
 classes, the figure is a half time
compare
Change the form of the verb
compared
show examples
 to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ballet.
In contrast
Linking Words
, a
total
Change the word
totally
show examples
 opposite trend can be observed in
Use synonyms
age
Fix the agreement mistake
ages
show examples
 between 11 and 16.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words dance, age with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • attending
  • currently
  • location
  • variety
  • ballet
  • hip-hop
  • contemporary
  • jazz
  • venues
  • popularity
  • attendees
  • juxtaposing
  • correlating
  • proximity
  • cultural influences
  • trends
  • anomalies
  • monopoly
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • enrollment
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