IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the problems of playing computer games and what can you suggest to minimize the bad effects?

Nowadays almost everybody has full access to computers and social media, resulting in children’s unlimited usage of video
games
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. I am of the opinion that the main problem of
this
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 trend is the well-being of youngsters
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 eye strain, poor posture and the lack of physical activity.
This
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 issue can be resolved by explaining
harmful
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the harmful
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 effects to children and limiting the time for playing. As recent studies have found, almost every gamer is suffering from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 huge range of diseases,
due to
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 his hobby.
Moreover
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,
computer
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games
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 have more influence on children,
due to
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 impressionability. There are a lot of drug and terrorism advertisements, which are revealed to
a
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apply
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young society. It might lead to both mental damage and interest in prohibited substances.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 type of activity might cause some health issues like
,
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 eye strain, obesity and wrong posture. Back and pupils are damaged during the game,
whereas
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 weight excess is caused by the lack of exercises, which are done during the day. The problem, I believe, can be alleviated by limiting the possible time, spent with
thecomputer
Correct your spelling
the computer
. Father and mother can set parental control on the gadgets and restrict access to the internet. Another solution, as recent research has revealed is providing either a lecture or a book to teenagers, where the whole influence of
computer
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games
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are
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is
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 demonstrated.
Child
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The child
A child
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 will understand the risks of damaging health by himself and more responsibility will be presented on his part.
To sum up
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,
this
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 is a conversational subject, but I firmly believe that a great number of health issues might be affected by
computer
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games
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 like, obesity and deterioration of vision. One of the best solutions is limiting
the
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apply
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access to gadgets during the day and involving more sports and study in youngster's lives. If more children continue to waste their free time in arcades, the percentage of the additional
computer
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 population will continue to rapidly increase.

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task achievement
Try to give more specific examples and details in your arguments to make your points clearer and stronger. This will help you reach a higher score in task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your sentences are linked smoothly. You can use linking words and phrases more often to make your essay flow better and ideas connect easily.
coherence and cohesion
Check your sentence structures. Some sentences are quite long and may be hard to follow. Simple sentences can also be effective and clearer.
task achievement
You clearly identified the main problems related to computer games and suggested practical solutions, which is a key requirement of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear tone for the essay, clearly stating your opinion and outlining the main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prolonged use
  • eye strain
  • poor posture
  • repetitive strain injuries
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • social isolation
  • academic performance
  • inappropriate content
  • violent content
  • psychological effects
  • gaming addiction
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • time management skills
  • parental supervision
  • educational games
  • physical activities
  • social interactions
  • screen time limits
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