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Writing Samples
Band 5

As most people spend a major part of their adult life at work, job satisfaction is an important element of individual wellbeing. What factors contribute to job satisfaction?

The debate on happiness with working life has been widely addressed. Some argue that being content with a career is an essential part of a person’s
overall
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 health as they would be working for most of their life. Being happy with one’s job comprises various elements,
such
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 as economic and professional growth.
For example
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, the amount an individual is being paid is important as money is needed for survival. Basic necessities
such
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 as food and transport all require payment, and workers may
also
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 need to support their families
,
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apply
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 and provide for additional needs like shelter and education.
Thus
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, without enough funds, employees are unable to afford not just their livelihood, but household expenses as well.
This
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then
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 leads to
the
Correct article usage
an
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 increase in stress over earning money, which
therefore
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 takes a toll on mental and physical health.
Therefore
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,
an
Correct article usage
apply
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appropriate pay is a must.
Furthermore
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, careers with higher chances of promotions and progression
increases
Change the verb form
increase
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 motivation. In the workforce, employees
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 take the chance to enhance their skills, knowledge and experience should be rewarded with advancements in their
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 as
this
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 acknowledges their hard work, determination and commitment to their profession.
While
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 workers can expect certain benefits at work, it is not possible to be completely satisfied with their occupation. Many wish for an abundance
in
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of
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 wealth and leisure without any sacrifices, but in many cases,
this
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 is simply not achievable.
For instance
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, foreign workers choose to migrate to a more developed country in hopes of better job opportunities and pay.
However
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,
this
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 is at the expense of spending
time
Use synonyms
 with family or having excess
time
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 off.
Similarly
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, some work long hours
everyday
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every day
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 and even overtime to generate more income, resulting in little to no
time
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 to relax. There is a limited amount of
time
Use synonyms
everyday
Replace the word
every day
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, and one can only do so much.
Hence
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, not all needs
from
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of
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 working adults can be fulfilled. In conclusion, I agree that selecting jobs that consist of factors which allow for satisfaction is important as we spend a significant portion of our lives in that vocation.
However
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, it is important to acknowledge keeping our expectations of how our lives should be practical, and sometimes, we have to give up certain wishes to achieve other goals.

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph clearly explains one main idea. This helps the reader follow your thoughts easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words like 'however', 'for instance', and 'furthermore' more frequently to show your ideas are connected.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This makes your arguments stronger and clearer.
task achievement
Try to fully explore each point you make for a deeper understanding. This will show you have thought carefully about the topic.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the importance of job satisfaction, setting a good tone for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
You have a clear conclusion that summarizes your thoughts and reflects on the main points discussed.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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